Twas the Night before the IEP...

Cute ditty for the holiday season that rings true for much (or most) of
us parents with exceptional children! Enjoy!!
========================================================================== Twas the night before Christmas and all through the schools
No students were present to break any rules
The budget was written and every dime spent
with no one quite sure where it all went
The school board was snuggled
all safe in their beds
While visions of budget increases danced in their heads
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter
They leaped from their beds to see what was the matter

Away to the board room they went in a dash
to see who it was that threatened the cash
And there before them - who did appear?
With issues they thought finished this year

Once more before them plainly to see
Were parents of children they called "Special Needs"
We've done this before and we were quite clear
So once again tell us why you are here
One of them stepped forward and it soon was apparent
That this person before them was one informed parent.
The presentation was prepared with great thought and care
With federal law quotes that brought them great glares

With a voice loud and clear they were all called by name
These are not new laws and the meaning is plain
IDEA, ADA, LRE and 504
It is time to remind you just like before

We wish you good tidings great hope and good cheer
The time for inclusion is finally here
Why won't you listen to this our plight
To be included is not privilege but right

We want them included right from the start
To become part of the whole and not kept apart
We want them included and yes all means all
Don't make them feel different, don't make them feel small
For such a long time the seed has been planted
why do we still struggle for what to others is granted
"No not right now but we'll tell you when"
We've heard that same story again and again

So on this the holiest of nights
we say inclusion is not a privilege but a right
and on this issue we firmly do stand
the rights of our children we do now demand

As the meeting concluded ending the night
It was heard.........

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
AND TO ALL EQUAL RIGHTS
~ Author Unknown ~

Sigh of relief.....

Well today was the big day starting at the other school :)

Stinger was asking questions abt questions on our way down to the school-and they weren't abt school-LOLOL-he was nervous-I could tell;)

We get there and the teacher is right out front "Hey there bud!!" she says as if she has known Stinger all her life. :) Bailey smiles :) Mr X was there too-to make the transition easier. They hug-and Stinger hands him a gift and a card he hasmade. Stinger just had his eyes on a BIG OL" toblerone bar-so thats what he got -LOLOL:)Then all the paras came out and said hi to Stinger. Stinger kept fiddling with his collar-he does that when he is nervous;)But it was VERY nice of them to meet out there like that-very relaxed and nice.

Stinger is quiet and one of the paras asks if he is nervous-he shakes his head yes.
Then they tell him to say goodbye. Stinger says "bye Mom" without even looking at me. I ha to BEG for a hug and kiss and then away they went all in tow down the hallway-me looking on and just ...hopeing...hopeing for a turned head, a smile , a blowing kiss..I got no such thing :( Whaaaaaaaaaa-LOLOLOLOLOL.

Okay-I know this was a good thing guys-I know this...but gosh how I wanted ...something.....something to say Im unsure abt this Mom, tell me its okay, I need you to guide me and protect me.

Okay Ill stop before I start to sound REALLY silly-LOLOLOL, but it was HARD and thats how I felt!!! About as hard as that first day when Bailey was 2 1/2 and I was leaving him for the first time in that Early Intervention class.....hard picking up my feet, hard to look away.
Then as in now-not a batted eye was given. :(

What a trooper-Mommy wasnt as strong as Stinger was today.....

Stinger came home on the bus ALLL smiles and immediately pulled out his point sheet. Row of 5's all the way down(highest points you can get per time frame for behavior)
He loves it there-loves the toys at break time(they had a pirate ship), loves the teachers, everything he loves-LOLOL. The one thing he doesnt love is the lunches-"The food tastes different Mom, and I dont like it."LOLOLOL How it can be SOOO different is beyond me, but I guess it is????So we are going to have to deal with the change of cooking I guess, but I know he'll get used to it.

It was a HUGE success today-I couldnt believe he got a 5 on his Math chart-he has struggled all year in Math and thats when his worst behaviors come out. Not that he cant do it-he has shown us he can, but he just gets aggitated at math time. But he didnt today!!!!!We'll see and pray that this continues.

If the next couple of days turn out to be anything like today-we will have found a match-eh? A GOOD THING-yes?

Mr X asked Stinger to tell the teachers abt bees and away he went Mr X says-LOLOLOLOL
I had given them all a sheet of interests and dislikes etc on Friday....so they were in on the bees-LOLOLOL. And now I guess they are okay and in his circle of trusties. Another GOOD THING. :)

I think this school is growin on me already :)LOLOLOLOL

Mr X calls and is missing Stinger already and is coming to the house on Christmas Eve afternoon and dropping something off for Stinger. What a sweet guy-eh? Heart was always there-I think he just didnt know what else he could do with what all he had been trained in at that school-kwim? But he HAS grown attached to Stinger-I know Stinger will miss him too.

My Mom is always saying that people are put into your life for a reason, sent by the Lord to help......gues Mr T would fit that pretty well....He was a friend to me and Stinger when we both thought we didnt have any at that school....He'll be missed.

Truly my moms wisdom rings true.....as always :)

Im done...........

We have been dealing with a level system at the school this week. Trying to see if Stingers homeschool could do it-if they had the staff etc like at the other school.

Its been a misereable failure and Ive been called to come and get him everyday this week....sigh.....NOT WORKING! especially since they call now for anything they feel like it now...its rediculous....Stinger had an accident as well:( Which means they werent allowing him to go bathroom-have I NOT been over this with them????I am soooo done with this school. I abt cried when I heard abt the accident-they are just plain rude and mean....I cant even imagine how embarrased and hurt Stinger was during all of this..GRRR it makes me sooo mad. I get the tracker home and it said that Stinger asked and then had to wait an hour to comply to something. EVERYONE who cares to take the time to know Stinger knows that when he says he needs to go:HE NEEDS TO GO!!!!!I am sooo done with them....

Dh and I are meeting tomorrow with the behavior specialist and the teacher from the other school and just talking....Im scheduled to see the school on Friday.

When I went to pick up Stinger today the behavior specialist was there and they called me into the office. The behavior specialist touched me with something she said and the tears started to fall-Im soooo mad at myself......but o-well. Tears are falling way too easy these days:(

But she was nice and tried to console me. I dont know how she could see inside of me, but she wanted to make sure that I idnt think this was the end of the world and that it had nothing to do with parenting or anything I might think I had done to cause these behaviors. That Bailey just needed more guidance and structure that his homeschool cant provide. I couldnt have agreed more. That I wouldnt be up at the school like I am now, that I can come whenever I want though, that they have never in the 5 years she has been incharge, called anyone to pick up their child.There are NO suspensions. That she knows it has been hard on the family and that this wasnt MY fault, that I had done everything I could, that it wasnt that I had failed. How did she know I needed to hear that last part-LOLOLOLOL. How did she know?????

Inside I know this school has tried, but lately they seam to be throwing up their hands alot-which is frustrating as I have been pulling for Stinger so hard this week as I knew it would be the deciding factor with his placement. So they want to meet with dh tomorrow and will have someone there to watch Monkey boy.

He cant stay at his homeschool-its just not working so its this other placement or homeschooling.

Ive been praying ALOT and I have a peaceful, calm feeling about this other school. But I am a worrier by nature so to have these feelings has been not expected :)So I am okay slightly with it now. We still has some concerns-but hopefully we can all talk tomorrow and everyone will come to some agreement.....If he goes to this other school he would start going on Monday or I could keep him home until after Christmas break-which I think is a VERY bad idea. I much like it starting a week before break, then having the break and then going back to something he is already familiar with. I think thats the best plan.....but we will see how the meeting goes......

Im tired-Im gunna go watch some of my English shows-LOLOLOL They always make me laugh.....Im in need of a couple of those-eh?

"Yesterday...... All my troubles seamed so far away...."

Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh I believed in Yesterday........
------Paul
........sigh

Well my meeting on Monday was good I guess. The time out room is now gone...Much to EVERYONES dismay....The time being kept after school is gone....much to everyone's woes me's....

They are to call me if it gets out of control, I'm to pick him up. Then they will call another meeting the next day.(what this does???-I guess I'm just not understanding things)
IF no incidents-then Mr X is to graph and chart behaviors and time owed instances...GR-8 plan-we all know what its going to say = THE PLAN STINKS. And then we will meet in 2 weeks.

Stinger is not a typical kid-he's not going to respond to typical punishments. And no one will listen to me on this so I don't know what to do......Goodness knows Dh and I have tried typical punishments to no avail....But "don't listen to the parents whatever you do as we know nothing deal"....

I did actually get some interesting info abt the other school placement:
1. Based on a level system:1-4
1 being very restricted-eating lunch and having recess in the room etc
4 being just going in the room for awards and tracker updates...
Based on the child's behaviors depends on how much responsibility and choices they will have in the reg classroom and how long they will be in there. The academics would not drop as the same things are required as they are now...As they have seen what he can do...Its an 8 child: 4 adult room.

The behavior specialist was quiet frank with me and I asked her what the probability was that he would come back to his homeschool. She said "he wouldn't"......She said that this was the goal, but once a child is put into such a restricted environment and has the supports there they need it is nearly impossible to go back to what was before without upsetting things and having the behaviors come back....She said a child could be doing VERY well, but the point being that there at the school should incidents occur they have the paras and staff that are trained so it can be supported and stopped etc whereas the homeschool doesn't etc. Its a k-5th grade program so he would then go to his homeschool middle school, but it has this same support program and he would be supported there he would just sort of transition into it.... I'm still kinda unsure of all the details, but it was explained to me much clearer at the meeting. Id have to see it in session and talk with the teachers before dh and I made any decisions.....So its something we both have been thinking about anyway....

After the meeting I sat down with her privately and I told her thet I feel taht the school is making me feel like I am asking them for too much-and she told me that she woudl be the judge of that...She got persoanl and almost cried adn todl me taht she understood what I was going though as sh ehas a grandchild and she knows how teh system works and she has tried everything and her grandson was mainstreamed then self contained and then placed in a treatment facility. She acknowlegded Stingers disability was life long and that she knew I was just trying to help my son. She is in charge of that other school program and its really good, but that she wasn't forcing or trying to make me think this was our only option at this point-she still wants to work with this school...
It was finally nice to be acknowlegded and agreed with by her-someone who actually understands what I am dealing with. I was fighting tears the whole time-fighting them...I just dont know what to do here.....but talking things over with her was nice.....

Could use some prayers out there. I just wish I knew for certian what is the best thing-what would be the best for Stinger and have him happy-kwim?

Yesterday he was running away agn, being VERY defiant.
Today I got a call from the principle that when the bell rang he ran away and missed the bus-so I was to come and get him. The principle was very upset when I got there. I get a call later on during the night that he is to be suspended until we all have a meeting-which is tomorrow. The principle said he didn't know what to do and that he was just going to let Stinger trash his office....( I know he was implying he wanted to use the timeout room)gee I am VERY glad I took the timeout room away-as I NOW know he sure isn't competent enough to use it correctly....

Stinger and I sat down and talked abt a lot of things. He told me that the Principle told him to sit in a chair for 1 min and Stinger said he had to go to the restroom and the principle told him to just pee in his pants then and he'd clean it up!!! I am VERY upset with this.......I saw how upset the Principle was so I think he probably did say this to him......That floors me!!!!

So I call dh and we start talking about how we think its a staff problem and how this other school is sounding better and better......

But on to better news good grief......
The Mental Health Dept is evaluating Stinger and they have SOOOO many services that Stinger could benefit from like social skill classes etc. Which I am soo thrilled abt. I thought these doors to services were closed as we couldn't qualify fro any Disability programs as our income etc. So I am just thrilled abt this and these will def help Stinger. He will be given a case manager who will support dif programs etc. THIS is what Stinger needs......I'm through with relying on the school for these things...So I'm glad I have other options....

I think im going to curl up tonight with a book-that always cheers me up some :)

Tomorrow..... tomorrow..... I love ya..... tomorrow...... your only a day away......LOLOLOL

Placement......

Okay here's my question:

1. Keep Stingers placement the same.(keep him mainstreamed in his regular class)
no friends
battling the school every year
academics improving every day
no understanding on the part of staff and students
behaviors just get worse and worse as the staff has no clue how to de-escalate Stinger
calls and reports from school ending in suspension-or threats

2. Change Stingers placement. (self contained classroom or smaller classroom)
understanding kids-COULD make friends
academics fall
behavior plans thought out and individualized
understanding staff and no punishment
not his homeschool
Stinger hates changes
no battling with the school
Stinger finally feeling understood and not treated unfairly
behavior under control in controlled environment
could he ever get out of there????


I don't know what to do here......both choices are just....... bad...sigh......

Am I just refusing to see that he just cant make it in this school...in a reg classroom????Am I thinking if I just put the supports there-just this one more support..... that he could????knowing that one more support isnt going to cut it...How long do I keep trying...How long do I keep fighting????How long does Stinger have to go through this????How long do I hold onto a dream and finally....... let it go.......

I think the whole problem here is me......:( The more I truly think abt it-THATS the problem :(

Okay here goes......

I've been dreading writing about this but I might as well-who knows-it might just give me some answers....I need em....

I've got a meeting on Monday with the school, with the district behavior specialist, director(my fav lady)basically the whole team and then some......Ill explain how this came abt-as Im sure you all are just DYING to know....sigh.....

This is going to be long guys....

I get a call abt 1:30 on Monday from spec ed teacher(well call him Teacher X)"well Stinger has been having a hard day and I feel we REALLY need to keep him after to make up some minutes" He had 45 min to make up for something or another. I have repeatedly told the school I DONT like the time owed after school-time owed period as Stinger cant keep up with all the time and why he is doing it...sigh.....but I am put on the spot. Im thinking okay school gets out in a bit so Ill just go and get him in abt an hour. I was going to town anyway.....

So I get there and he has 30 min to still make up. Plus in that time he has had to go to the "room"-ill get to that bit latter. So Ive got Monkey boy there with me which isn't a prop but Im kinda perturbed as I thought his time would be up. I am sitting in that office for abt an hour. I see teacher X coming down the hall..... with no Stinger he is running away from Teacher X-which is leading to more min being owed. I go call Stinger who is hiding behind the coat racks-I go to him and Mr X-Stinger goes out the school doors, but comes back to me.

teacher X says that Stinger has 15 min still to make up. Wants to go back to the classroom and sit fro just 15 min-when he actually owes abt another hour.....Ridiculous. Stinger doesn't want to go.Tecaher X grabs him by the wrists and Stinger tells him to let go-doesn't. We get him in the classroom. Stinger still wont sit down in the chair. I have to leave to go get Flamingo at Scouts. WE go back to classroom and Bailey still isn't complying. Teacher X asks me to leave.. Stinger starts to go crazy crying and begging me not to leave. Flamingo goes crazy thinking Im leaving her brother and saying he needs us. After consi=oling Monkey boy who is crying now as well we go and sit in the car and wait fro him to call me abt a half hour latter .I get the call to come and get him. So I go in there and Stinger has on his coat, but has apparently in just that short time said something rude to the teacher and is Agnew supposed to sit. I go and wait in the car agn. I see Mr X and Stinger going back in the building and Im thinking to myself don't even be going to the "room" abt 20 min goes by I go to the doors to the school-of course they are locked-so I go back to the car and wait...... and then I get a phone call and they meet me at the car.

I was there at the school till abt 6: 30. Livid does not even begin to describe my thoughts at this point. We leave....

I come home. Im upset, Flamingo is still upset as well as Monkey boy. Stinger has no idea why.....

I immediately sit down to begin my process of writing a letter to the school Specifically stating that the time out "room" isn't to be used now and forever under no circumstances. That time owed is to be kept during school hours.

I go and talk to Stinger abt it-his fingers are raw, tells em abt climbing on the doorknob in the room, trying to get to the ceiling to get out of there falling down repeatedly..... Basically having an episode in the room feeling like it is a prison-anxiety and fear going through the roof in there...Im just getting more and more upset inside- Im fuming....I put everyone to bed now and then I head upstairs and cry.......

So next day I get "the phone call." they are just going to call me if there is a problem and have me come and get him.......SHEEEEESH.. How in the world is THAT solving ANYTHING....and that we are having a meeting on Monday....

I have written and talked to everyone I can think of. I get the
1. Go and pick him up-make this work
2. They are making it your problem since you wont do what they want-DONT get him
3. Make them officially suspend him so it counts as part of the 10 days-which by law they HAVE to do SOMETHING after 10 days change of placement-which then Im sure they will want to discuss.
4. Get a Lawyer.

So I dont know what to do.

1. They still haven't done testing to find out WHERE these behaviors are coming from
2. They are Punishing him not DISCIPLining
3. They escalate the behaviors by using the"room"
4. They escalate by touching him and grabbing him-even after he has said to let him go-and hes not bad abt asking either-I saw this the other day.....

So Im trying to pull my head together yet agn for this meeting as no one will talk abt anything-they just say" well discuss at the meeting. Fun-eh?

I have no idea how the meeting is going to go-I don't know what my position should be either.......

Beautifil Song-PRAYER

Okay this song had me bawling tonight.....its by Celtic Women....beautiful......

PRAYER

Lift up our eyes
and watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we dont know.....

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe.

I pray we'll find your light
And hold it in our hearts.
When stars go out each night
Remind us where you are.

Let this be our prayer
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Needs to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Need to find a place
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe

Beautiful...just beautiful....