Eigh-yi-yi.........ugh........
Well its Saturday-I think I've re-grouped enough from Friday to go into it...LOLOLOL. So...........
Friday was testing-IOWA testing-3rd, 5th and 8th graders.....and yes-since we are doing K12 homeschooling this is mandatory state testing we are required to take. And yes-I was a bundle of nerves not expecting anything good from it at all.....
We get there-Stinger and I- to Brigham abt 15 minutes early. Stinger is turning into a statue-getting very uncomforteable-hands to his side, sullen look on his face-Nervous doesnt quiet describe it-but basically thats what was happening. We go to the room where there are abt 8 kids in the room-all 3rd graders-no one Stinger has seen before and Stinger REFUSES to go in. Starts walking back down the hallway.
Now mind you-I had thoroughly talked abt this whole situation before hand, went through it step by step. What things would be like, what things would look like, when he would be done, what the teacher would be saying, what the kids would be doing-which was a MAJOR concern of his.
But we both go to the door and immediately Stinger backs up and freezes in his tracks and wont go in. He doesnt like that the kids are looking at him, he doesnt want them to look up at him when he walks in. Now how am I supposed to stop this from happening?????He thinks I can....So there we are its 9 and its time to start the testing and Stinger isnt in the classroom yet.
I walk up to one of the aides there and tell her our situation-which is NOT what I had been planning on, but I had no idea what to do. She calls the Principle and says " we have a child who is refusing to go in" okay can you say ugh.....LOLOLOL, then she tells me that the principle( whom I knowand have talked with numerous times) has granted ME permission to go into the classroom. Parents arent usually allowed to go into the room where the students are testing. So we tell Stinger-still a " No" ...sigh....okay. Plan B: We show him the desk right by the door where he can sit all by himself-we can put up a folder so the other kids cant see him-still a " no"......okay......this negotiating takes abt till 9:35.....Stinger is crying, and starting to get angry and frustrated....and Im starting to get a little worried so..... Plan C: Call Mrs C( shes our in home behavior helper who I am supposed to call if there are any problems anytime) she tells me what needs to happen. Basically it involves giving him a choice , counting to 5, then either he can make a choice or I can get help and make it for him-which means forcing him in there. She tells me she is going to call his therapist and see if he can meet us there.
"Okay"-I say and hang up. I run through this senario in my mind and its not looking pretty-we do NOT want a scene. So I take Stinger down a hallway and get down and talk to him. I tell him what the choices are and NOT taking the test is NOT a choice -so he needs to think abt what choice will get more attention from the other kids. Him going in and sitting down quitely with a folder and me in there-or me having to hold his hand and take him in there making noises and complaining. I was grasping at straws here..but I did NOT want anyone forcing him-touching him to get him in there-so I was saying anything.... I told him I knew it was scary, but that he COULD do this. That he could make the better choice and that no one would notice him or keep looking at him-they were all nervous too and scared just like him. He takes abt 15 minutes to think abt it and then says " oh all right".....WHOOT! *sigh of relief* So I quickly( dont want Stinger to change his mind) inform everyone quitely that we are good to go. Its now 10:00.
After he got in there with his wall of boxes and folders put up for him he did beautifully-it was just a matter of getting him in that silly room of kids. So I call back Mrs C. and tell her I got him in there;)thank goodness....
So...what did I learn from this...its the little things that need to be planned, gone over, understood, explained thoroughly. We didnt go over getting into the room because it wasnt a concern I thought-or wasnt a concern I would have had. I forgot to look at things from Stingers perspective. But its these little things that we dont see or notice that are BIGGIES to him. The test taking wasnt hard for him-it was getting into the room. I seam to forget that typical concerns are never his top concerns....its the same with his sensory things or getting over stimulated-not biggies to us, we dont even think abt them-but they can totally turn his day upside down and all around.
He did so well in the room-I was very proud of him. The teacher in there was so nice-but many things Im sure just flew by him as she talked so fast. And many things were not at his level. But he did soooo well in there. So we ended on a VERY good note-rough start, but strong finish. Good enough for me any day-eh?
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
How Were You Raised?
Okay Ill get to the point of this post in a minute.
I just dont understand some things that some parents do. I mean I guess I do, but I dont do these things and Im wondering what did my parents do different-why I am who I am etc.
Dh and I have often talked abt this....and pondered on it quite alot.
The unwritten rules that some people choose not to follow etc. For instance-when you borrow something-give it back! When someone loans you $$ dont wait for that person to ask for it back-give it back as soon as you can. Say you are sorry, say thank you , etc-How hard are these rules you might ask-seams pretty hard for some. Put your self in someone elses shoes. Give someone a break. Try your best at everything you do.
Simple-basic-right?
Well lately we have had some situations come up at the playground while Flamingo is at her soccer game with the two boys-Monkey Boy, and Stinger.
Since being home Stinger is interacting so much better withe his sibs-its as if we have a new Stinger ard here. Its wonderful. But Ive been noticing this new love for his sibs can be quite, how do you say it.......posessive-I guess that is the word.
And we have all been here before. When Stinger has a friend-this is HIS friend and he doesnt want anyone interferring with this relationship. So has been the case at the playground lately. Monkey boy will want to play with an older kid and Stinger doesnt agree with this choice( Stingers rigid rules) of an older play friend and insists that Monkey Boy play with younger kids etc. -not even him, but that Monkey Boy needs to choose friends that are his age etc-not older???
Stinger feels so strongly abt this certain rule that he'll start being mean to these older kids etc-throwing sand, or standing between them and Monkey Boy.
On two seperate occasions I have had a parent( one time Dad and one time a Mom) come up to me and ask if I can do something abt my son. One ladies words: " Are you ----- Mom? " I reply yes, " Well -he is throwing sand and is bugging my son or daughter. Would you please grab him" ...sigh.....
Okay I had just talked to him-called him over an he hadnt thrown any sand at anyone after I talked with him-yet this mother wanted me to take him off the playground so her son could play......and she fully expected me to do this even though Stinger had stopped.
#1-I have NEVER in all my LIFE ever gone up to another parent and said their child had been doing so and so-would they solve it etc. NEVER.
what is the logical thing I do?-I remove my child from another child if I see something like this taking place, but I dont need any parent telling me what to do or how to handle things their way or how they see fit. Oh-it torks me.
My friend Laura was there( she has an Aspie son herself) and she just rolled her eyes and we talked a bit abt parents and how we dont do this and this. She actually told me some parenst tell her to have her child apoligize. oh..........Id loose it.
See-we are parents too. We know what is right or wrong, we know when an apoligy is needed from our children-and we would hope that any child who did wrong to our child would appoligize as well-but we DONT ask for it-good grief. And we sure as heck dont need some " all knowing, my child is better than yours attitude and Im a better parent attitude" telling us what and how to handle our kids.
Okay-Im just getting all rilled up here-LOLOL-can you tell???
LOLOLOLOL
But anyway-Laura was raised as I was where you just dont correct a parent like that. I think we "typicals";) understand that that parent is trying the best they can and its not our place to take charge in their area. So we simply remove our children. And yes, thats what I would have done if it had happend to Flamingo or Monkey Boy-but no-there are others who feel its their duty to set everyone straight. ugh....
At church for instance-the lady who tells you as a mom" would you mind quiting your children" Ugh-its THESE people-who really get under my skin....LOLOL I just wish people would just leave it be
Maybee im off my rocker-wouldnt be the first time-LOLOL, but Ill sit and rock-right along with Laura :P
I just dont understand some things that some parents do. I mean I guess I do, but I dont do these things and Im wondering what did my parents do different-why I am who I am etc.
Dh and I have often talked abt this....and pondered on it quite alot.
The unwritten rules that some people choose not to follow etc. For instance-when you borrow something-give it back! When someone loans you $$ dont wait for that person to ask for it back-give it back as soon as you can. Say you are sorry, say thank you , etc-How hard are these rules you might ask-seams pretty hard for some. Put your self in someone elses shoes. Give someone a break. Try your best at everything you do.
Simple-basic-right?
Well lately we have had some situations come up at the playground while Flamingo is at her soccer game with the two boys-Monkey Boy, and Stinger.
Since being home Stinger is interacting so much better withe his sibs-its as if we have a new Stinger ard here. Its wonderful. But Ive been noticing this new love for his sibs can be quite, how do you say it.......posessive-I guess that is the word.
And we have all been here before. When Stinger has a friend-this is HIS friend and he doesnt want anyone interferring with this relationship. So has been the case at the playground lately. Monkey boy will want to play with an older kid and Stinger doesnt agree with this choice( Stingers rigid rules) of an older play friend and insists that Monkey Boy play with younger kids etc. -not even him, but that Monkey Boy needs to choose friends that are his age etc-not older???
Stinger feels so strongly abt this certain rule that he'll start being mean to these older kids etc-throwing sand, or standing between them and Monkey Boy.
On two seperate occasions I have had a parent( one time Dad and one time a Mom) come up to me and ask if I can do something abt my son. One ladies words: " Are you ----- Mom? " I reply yes, " Well -he is throwing sand and is bugging my son or daughter. Would you please grab him" ...sigh.....
Okay I had just talked to him-called him over an he hadnt thrown any sand at anyone after I talked with him-yet this mother wanted me to take him off the playground so her son could play......and she fully expected me to do this even though Stinger had stopped.
#1-I have NEVER in all my LIFE ever gone up to another parent and said their child had been doing so and so-would they solve it etc. NEVER.
what is the logical thing I do?-I remove my child from another child if I see something like this taking place, but I dont need any parent telling me what to do or how to handle things their way or how they see fit. Oh-it torks me.
My friend Laura was there( she has an Aspie son herself) and she just rolled her eyes and we talked a bit abt parents and how we dont do this and this. She actually told me some parenst tell her to have her child apoligize. oh..........Id loose it.
See-we are parents too. We know what is right or wrong, we know when an apoligy is needed from our children-and we would hope that any child who did wrong to our child would appoligize as well-but we DONT ask for it-good grief. And we sure as heck dont need some " all knowing, my child is better than yours attitude and Im a better parent attitude" telling us what and how to handle our kids.
Okay-Im just getting all rilled up here-LOLOL-can you tell???
LOLOLOLOL
But anyway-Laura was raised as I was where you just dont correct a parent like that. I think we "typicals";) understand that that parent is trying the best they can and its not our place to take charge in their area. So we simply remove our children. And yes, thats what I would have done if it had happend to Flamingo or Monkey Boy-but no-there are others who feel its their duty to set everyone straight. ugh....
At church for instance-the lady who tells you as a mom" would you mind quiting your children" Ugh-its THESE people-who really get under my skin....LOLOL I just wish people would just leave it be
Maybee im off my rocker-wouldnt be the first time-LOLOL, but Ill sit and rock-right along with Laura :P
Monday, September 10, 2007
Socialization issues...Okay-I like this lady....check it out:
Socialization and Children with Asperger Syndrome
Anybody who has been homeschooling more than twenty minutes knows that the most popular probing question from the masses is: "And what about socialization?"
This is an especially bothersome question for families affected by Asperger Syndrome who want to homeschool. Since lack of social skills is one of the hallmarks of the child with AS, people naturally assume that keeping a child home instead of exposing him to the social climate of school will just worsen the situation.
The reverse is true, in my opinion, for the following reasons:
1. School has people, but that doesn't make it social. In fact, it is usually fairly anti-social since kids can be very cruel and bullies seem to be an ever-present part of the school experience. What is social about exposing our children to daily torment? Nothing. Children with Asperger Syndrome are natural targets for bullies and the situation frequently results in a tantrum, depression or violence, all of which could have been prevented by avoiding this "social" atmosphere.
2. Homeschooling does not mean denying social experiences. To the uninitiated, homeschooling conjures a picture of cloistering your child at home all the time. For most homeschoolers, nothing could be further from the truth. There are trips to the library and the park, gatherings with other homeschoolers, and lessons and clubs that tie in with the child's interests. And, we still live in neighborhoods, still have extended family and friends, church and other social obligations. Homeschooling does not mean restricted movement but rather greater flexibility.
3. Social experiences tend to be more positive when done through home education. As homeschooling parents, we can monitor social gatherings to keep them positive. That is, we can pick and choose the activities, watch for bullies and intervene, head off other kinds of trouble, and teach our children with spontaneous social lessons "in the moment," (or make a note to discuss things later). In short, we are on deck. Finally and perhaps most importantly, we can steer our children gently homeward before sensory overload undermines the whole event. In school, our kids do not get the luxury of this kind of protection or customized teaching. It's usually a case of "sink or swim." Our kids tend to do more sinking than swimming.
4. Homeschoolers may get more social opportunities out of their day. When we homeschooled, my son was in the comfort zone of his home surroundings for mornings of academic work, and that still left him with some energy in the afternoons and evenings to try other things. Parks department classes, bowling league, swimming lessons, and Boy Scouts were just some of the things he tried. When we stopped homeschooling and put him into a regular school, however, these fell away. He was too burned out from the school day to do anything else, and quit all outside activities. Although he'd wanted to try public school and did fine academically, the tradeoff was that he gained some very negative social experiences and lost some very positive ones.
5. The idea that our kids need the classroom experience of having positive role models around them every day is suspect. It's true that positive role models are better than negative ones, but just placing our kids alongside peer-age so-called normal kids does not mean that they will intuitively pick up on proper behavior. In fact, their condition of Asperger Syndrome means they will NOT pick things up intuitively. Things like social graces, body language and speech pragmatics must be consciously, deliberately, and specifically taught, bit by bit. Unless the child has a one-to-one aide to provide full-time tutelage in these things and allow ample rehearsal time, not many social skills will be picked up. Contrast that with the home environment, where the parent does have the time and patience to teach these things and can provide a safe place for rehearsing them.
6. Finally, we need to measure by a different yardstick. Our kids with Asperger Syndrome do not typically need or want the same level of social interaction than their neurologically typical peers do. Not everyone wants to be surrounded by others all day long, have large parties, or a dozen friends. Many of us (self included) cherish solitude, are happiest in our own company and function better with fewer social interactions. This is not abnormal, only different, and it should be honored. It is far better to have a little interaction and look forward to more another day, than to have too much interaction and suffer devastating consequences.
In short, parents can rest easy that their home education program is probably doing more for their child's socialization than a public school counterpart could. The only dark side, and there is a dark side, is that our children will probably never be totally at ease in social situations and will always have a few challenges, no matter what we do. Asperger Syndrome is, after all, a lifelong condition. And because of that, there will always be someone ready to proclaim why our child seems socially inept. "It must be because he was homeschooled!" they will cluelessly proclaim. Sometimes, you just can't win.
Copyright 2002 Lise Pyles
Anybody who has been homeschooling more than twenty minutes knows that the most popular probing question from the masses is: "And what about socialization?"
This is an especially bothersome question for families affected by Asperger Syndrome who want to homeschool. Since lack of social skills is one of the hallmarks of the child with AS, people naturally assume that keeping a child home instead of exposing him to the social climate of school will just worsen the situation.
The reverse is true, in my opinion, for the following reasons:
1. School has people, but that doesn't make it social. In fact, it is usually fairly anti-social since kids can be very cruel and bullies seem to be an ever-present part of the school experience. What is social about exposing our children to daily torment? Nothing. Children with Asperger Syndrome are natural targets for bullies and the situation frequently results in a tantrum, depression or violence, all of which could have been prevented by avoiding this "social" atmosphere.
2. Homeschooling does not mean denying social experiences. To the uninitiated, homeschooling conjures a picture of cloistering your child at home all the time. For most homeschoolers, nothing could be further from the truth. There are trips to the library and the park, gatherings with other homeschoolers, and lessons and clubs that tie in with the child's interests. And, we still live in neighborhoods, still have extended family and friends, church and other social obligations. Homeschooling does not mean restricted movement but rather greater flexibility.
3. Social experiences tend to be more positive when done through home education. As homeschooling parents, we can monitor social gatherings to keep them positive. That is, we can pick and choose the activities, watch for bullies and intervene, head off other kinds of trouble, and teach our children with spontaneous social lessons "in the moment," (or make a note to discuss things later). In short, we are on deck. Finally and perhaps most importantly, we can steer our children gently homeward before sensory overload undermines the whole event. In school, our kids do not get the luxury of this kind of protection or customized teaching. It's usually a case of "sink or swim." Our kids tend to do more sinking than swimming.
4. Homeschoolers may get more social opportunities out of their day. When we homeschooled, my son was in the comfort zone of his home surroundings for mornings of academic work, and that still left him with some energy in the afternoons and evenings to try other things. Parks department classes, bowling league, swimming lessons, and Boy Scouts were just some of the things he tried. When we stopped homeschooling and put him into a regular school, however, these fell away. He was too burned out from the school day to do anything else, and quit all outside activities. Although he'd wanted to try public school and did fine academically, the tradeoff was that he gained some very negative social experiences and lost some very positive ones.
5. The idea that our kids need the classroom experience of having positive role models around them every day is suspect. It's true that positive role models are better than negative ones, but just placing our kids alongside peer-age so-called normal kids does not mean that they will intuitively pick up on proper behavior. In fact, their condition of Asperger Syndrome means they will NOT pick things up intuitively. Things like social graces, body language and speech pragmatics must be consciously, deliberately, and specifically taught, bit by bit. Unless the child has a one-to-one aide to provide full-time tutelage in these things and allow ample rehearsal time, not many social skills will be picked up. Contrast that with the home environment, where the parent does have the time and patience to teach these things and can provide a safe place for rehearsing them.
6. Finally, we need to measure by a different yardstick. Our kids with Asperger Syndrome do not typically need or want the same level of social interaction than their neurologically typical peers do. Not everyone wants to be surrounded by others all day long, have large parties, or a dozen friends. Many of us (self included) cherish solitude, are happiest in our own company and function better with fewer social interactions. This is not abnormal, only different, and it should be honored. It is far better to have a little interaction and look forward to more another day, than to have too much interaction and suffer devastating consequences.
In short, parents can rest easy that their home education program is probably doing more for their child's socialization than a public school counterpart could. The only dark side, and there is a dark side, is that our children will probably never be totally at ease in social situations and will always have a few challenges, no matter what we do. Asperger Syndrome is, after all, a lifelong condition. And because of that, there will always be someone ready to proclaim why our child seems socially inept. "It must be because he was homeschooled!" they will cluelessly proclaim. Sometimes, you just can't win.
Copyright 2002 Lise Pyles
Sunday, September 09, 2007
cute song....
Someone in another group I'm in shared this and I thought you guys would enjoy.
The Homeschool Moms who Can't Do Everything
Sung to the tune of Veggie Tales "The Pirates who Don't Do Anything."
All 3 Moms:
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everything
We'll just tell you
We can't do everything
Mom2:
Well, I've never been to Boston and I've never shot a musket,
and I've never built a cabin using nothing but an axe,
and I've never skinned a possum, and I've never staged a battle,
and I've never started home school before fall!
All:
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everything
We'll just tell you...
Mom3:
We can't do everything!
And I've never distilled water, and I've never banded birdies,
and I've never built an ant farm 'cuz I can't stand things that crawl,
and I've never dug a fossil, and I've never owned a test tube,
and I've never started home school before fall!
All:
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everythingWe'll just tell you
We can't do everything
Mom1:
And I've never slaughtered chickens, and I've never milked a go-oat,
and I've never gone to 4-H or the local county fair,
and I've never sewn a jumper, and I don't look good in denim,
and I've never started home school before fall!
Mom2:
Huh? What are you talking about?
What's a milk goat and denim jumpersgot to do with being a home school mom?
Mom3:
Hey, that's right!
We're supposed to sing about academic-y things!
Mom1:
Oh...
Mom2:
And who ever sews school uniforms? That's impossible!
Why even bringit up? Am I right? What do you think?
Mom3:
I think you should do your laundry.
Mom2:
Huh? Why do you think that?
Mom3:
You should...
Mom2:
Don't wanna!
Mom3:
You wore that shirt yesterday!
Mom2:
That's it, you're going to help me!
Mom3:
Says who?
Mom2:
Says ME, that's who!
Mom3:
Oh yeah? Well I'm not picking up your socks! (pinches her own nose)
Mom2: Argh!
Mom3: Yike!
Mom1:
and I've never done gymnastics, and I've never danced the polka,
and I've never painted daisies 'cause I cannot paint at all,
and I've never made a schedule, and my house is never perfect...
Mom2:
It'll never happen!
All:
And we've never started home school before fall!
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everythingWe'll just tell you
We can't do everything
Mom2:
Pass the pencils! Who's got the teacher's guide?
Mom1: Here it is! (holds up shredded paper)
Mom3: (groans, then smiles with sudden inspiration) Time for recess!
Mom2: It's definitely time for Scotch tape.
Mom3: Oh, I don't like that stuff...
Mom1: Hey, look! I found a crayon!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He-He! LOLOLOL-Pretty funny-eh ;)
The Homeschool Moms who Can't Do Everything
Sung to the tune of Veggie Tales "The Pirates who Don't Do Anything."
All 3 Moms:
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everything
We'll just tell you
We can't do everything
Mom2:
Well, I've never been to Boston and I've never shot a musket,
and I've never built a cabin using nothing but an axe,
and I've never skinned a possum, and I've never staged a battle,
and I've never started home school before fall!
All:
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everything
We'll just tell you...
Mom3:
We can't do everything!
And I've never distilled water, and I've never banded birdies,
and I've never built an ant farm 'cuz I can't stand things that crawl,
and I've never dug a fossil, and I've never owned a test tube,
and I've never started home school before fall!
All:
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everythingWe'll just tell you
We can't do everything
Mom1:
And I've never slaughtered chickens, and I've never milked a go-oat,
and I've never gone to 4-H or the local county fair,
and I've never sewn a jumper, and I don't look good in denim,
and I've never started home school before fall!
Mom2:
Huh? What are you talking about?
What's a milk goat and denim jumpersgot to do with being a home school mom?
Mom3:
Hey, that's right!
We're supposed to sing about academic-y things!
Mom1:
Oh...
Mom2:
And who ever sews school uniforms? That's impossible!
Why even bringit up? Am I right? What do you think?
Mom3:
I think you should do your laundry.
Mom2:
Huh? Why do you think that?
Mom3:
You should...
Mom2:
Don't wanna!
Mom3:
You wore that shirt yesterday!
Mom2:
That's it, you're going to help me!
Mom3:
Says who?
Mom2:
Says ME, that's who!
Mom3:
Oh yeah? Well I'm not picking up your socks! (pinches her own nose)
Mom2: Argh!
Mom3: Yike!
Mom1:
and I've never done gymnastics, and I've never danced the polka,
and I've never painted daisies 'cause I cannot paint at all,
and I've never made a schedule, and my house is never perfect...
Mom2:
It'll never happen!
All:
And we've never started home school before fall!
We are the home school moms who can't do everything
We just stay at home and plan a lot
And if you ask us to do everythingWe'll just tell you
We can't do everything
Mom2:
Pass the pencils! Who's got the teacher's guide?
Mom1: Here it is! (holds up shredded paper)
Mom3: (groans, then smiles with sudden inspiration) Time for recess!
Mom2: It's definitely time for Scotch tape.
Mom3: Oh, I don't like that stuff...
Mom1: Hey, look! I found a crayon!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He-He! LOLOLOL-Pretty funny-eh ;)
Saturday, September 01, 2007
A Cruel World
This was on Lisa's blog today. (she's on one of my favorites list links)
She lives a town over from us.
It made my eyes water at how cruel people can be and how strong a woman Lisa is-she is a wonderful Mother to her son-I love reading her blog. Her words ALWAYS touch me so deep-she is an inspiring woman-whom I so greatly adore and look up to. She has gone through alot with the P. schools as well-and I have come to retreat in her arms on a couple of occasions. As you read this excerpt from her blog-you will understand why she is such an inspiration to me. She lifts you up with her words and thoughts.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"How dare you stand there before me in your dark blue conservative suit, like you are a normal person.
How dare, you so easily say the words that come out of your mouth, soft and pleasant, but dripping with judgements, in a trial you know nothing about?
How can you ... speak and say, such unspeakable things to me? How can you think them?I stand here, staring at you. S'mee told me, I could throw plates, I can picture myself, throwing them at your head.
I wonder if you know... if you have any idea, how hurtful your words are? I wonder, who else have you said them too?How can you suggest, that medically life saving, technology shouldn't be used? How can you ask me, if I wish I had aborted my child? How can you say horrible things?How do you look at yourself in the mirror? How can you call yourself a man of God?
How can you pretend to even be human?My heart is beating a million beats a minute. I can't breath.A vain of hate inside of me, is curdling, and I feel hot. Why do I think there is a place in my soul that won't ever recover?I turn to leave. The words I want to spew at you... on the tip of my tongue. I want to hit you.In the middle of your thoughtless, horrific tirade of the injustices of life, as you list my childs fault's and suggest that God obviously didn't want him to live... and asking me why I chose to fight that..
.I turn back around and face you...
In mid sentence I take a step forward...
You back up.. like the yellow bellied toad that you are...
though you stand a foot in height above me...
you take a step back..
and I get closer.. and you shut up.
(Finally)And I don't say anything... I want to.
I don't scream the words of hate that are inside my heart. I can't force them..
I say, "I'm sorry."
Deep, long drawn in breath.
I stare right into your eyes...
"I am sorry, that you will never feel Heaven in your home. I'm sorry that you will never, ever understand the eternal beauty that exists in mine. You will never ever EVER, love your children, the way I love mine. You will never, understand that a perfect life, is really, no life at all."
As I turned to walk away, I could feel the sweet enveloping peace fill me. The kind that comes after a long day of hard work, where you know you've been doing, what needs to be done. The kind, you feel when you enter a church . The sweet, delicious feeling of our Savior walking beside me.The horrible darkness, gone.. and the peace returned.I have this tunnel vision, where I can glance down the road.
I see my beloved childhood friend, Yolanda, a black, beautiful young kindergartener who wore the same dress as I did, the first day of school, which of course instantly bonded us... and I wonder? Has she felt this way? Has someone ever in her lifetime, made her feel small and weak, because of her skin tone? Or what about Mrs. Fripp, who lives in the corner house, alone, elderly with no one to help her out, much. Has she felt discrimination? Has anyone thought of her as ailing and not useful?
Just as this Mister, has never understood, love, sacrifice, eternal prospectives, and real joy, I've never, never felt ... hated, just for being who I am. Rather than for something I had done. Or even believed in.I truly do feel for him. The blinders he has chosen to wear, will be his fall from grace. Whether it happens slowly, or quickly, privately or where all that know him can see, his life, something, someday ... will shake him.. and all that he knows... and he... will remember, our conversation. And he'll *get* it-
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-----You are the woman we strive to be Lisa-thank you for your encouragement, wisdom and love{{HUGS}}
She lives a town over from us.
It made my eyes water at how cruel people can be and how strong a woman Lisa is-she is a wonderful Mother to her son-I love reading her blog. Her words ALWAYS touch me so deep-she is an inspiring woman-whom I so greatly adore and look up to. She has gone through alot with the P. schools as well-and I have come to retreat in her arms on a couple of occasions. As you read this excerpt from her blog-you will understand why she is such an inspiration to me. She lifts you up with her words and thoughts.
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"How dare you stand there before me in your dark blue conservative suit, like you are a normal person.
How dare, you so easily say the words that come out of your mouth, soft and pleasant, but dripping with judgements, in a trial you know nothing about?
How can you ... speak and say, such unspeakable things to me? How can you think them?I stand here, staring at you. S'mee told me, I could throw plates, I can picture myself, throwing them at your head.
I wonder if you know... if you have any idea, how hurtful your words are? I wonder, who else have you said them too?How can you suggest, that medically life saving, technology shouldn't be used? How can you ask me, if I wish I had aborted my child? How can you say horrible things?How do you look at yourself in the mirror? How can you call yourself a man of God?
How can you pretend to even be human?My heart is beating a million beats a minute. I can't breath.A vain of hate inside of me, is curdling, and I feel hot. Why do I think there is a place in my soul that won't ever recover?I turn to leave. The words I want to spew at you... on the tip of my tongue. I want to hit you.In the middle of your thoughtless, horrific tirade of the injustices of life, as you list my childs fault's and suggest that God obviously didn't want him to live... and asking me why I chose to fight that..
.I turn back around and face you...
In mid sentence I take a step forward...
You back up.. like the yellow bellied toad that you are...
though you stand a foot in height above me...
you take a step back..
and I get closer.. and you shut up.
(Finally)And I don't say anything... I want to.
I don't scream the words of hate that are inside my heart. I can't force them..
I say, "I'm sorry."
Deep, long drawn in breath.
I stare right into your eyes...
"I am sorry, that you will never feel Heaven in your home. I'm sorry that you will never, ever understand the eternal beauty that exists in mine. You will never ever EVER, love your children, the way I love mine. You will never, understand that a perfect life, is really, no life at all."
As I turned to walk away, I could feel the sweet enveloping peace fill me. The kind that comes after a long day of hard work, where you know you've been doing, what needs to be done. The kind, you feel when you enter a church . The sweet, delicious feeling of our Savior walking beside me.The horrible darkness, gone.. and the peace returned.I have this tunnel vision, where I can glance down the road.
I see my beloved childhood friend, Yolanda, a black, beautiful young kindergartener who wore the same dress as I did, the first day of school, which of course instantly bonded us... and I wonder? Has she felt this way? Has someone ever in her lifetime, made her feel small and weak, because of her skin tone? Or what about Mrs. Fripp, who lives in the corner house, alone, elderly with no one to help her out, much. Has she felt discrimination? Has anyone thought of her as ailing and not useful?
Just as this Mister, has never understood, love, sacrifice, eternal prospectives, and real joy, I've never, never felt ... hated, just for being who I am. Rather than for something I had done. Or even believed in.I truly do feel for him. The blinders he has chosen to wear, will be his fall from grace. Whether it happens slowly, or quickly, privately or where all that know him can see, his life, something, someday ... will shake him.. and all that he knows... and he... will remember, our conversation. And he'll *get* it-
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-----You are the woman we strive to be Lisa-thank you for your encouragement, wisdom and love{{HUGS}}
LOVE NOTES FOR MOMS----- Day 1--YOU"RE STRONG!!!!
Okay-I found these sights today and Im posting them-for me-every day :)
Its like having a good pep talk-and we all need those right? ;)
YOU'RE STRONG
How often has it happened -- an acquaintance hears your story or sees your child and says, "I'm not as strong as you. I could never deal with all the things you deal with." And you shake your head modestly, and brush it off, and maybe even feel a little condescended to. But you know what? They're right. You're strong. You're facing things that the average parent doesn't even want to imagine, and you're handling them. Whether you were strong to begin with or had strength thrust upon you by necessity, you're one strong parent, one strong person. Your family needs that strength, your children thrive on it. You may wish you never had to be so strong. But appreciate that strength now. It makes you special. Capable. A force to be reckoned with.
Day 1
READ: "We ought to approach the problem of children's disobedience and disruptive behavior with the same imagination, intellect, and patience that we use, say, to close a business deal, find a cure for cancer, or land on Mars. We shouldn't reserve for our children our least creative, least intelligent, and least controlled methods for solving problems." -- from Delivered from Distraction by Edward M Hallowell, MD, and John J. Ratey, MD •
REFLECT: Am I hesitant to use my imagination when dealing with my child's behavior? When did I last have an idea for handling my child that really worked?
RESPOND: Try to implement one creative solution for your child today -- add to your "bag of tricks"; choose realistic goals; customize a behavior chart to his or her needs and interests.
Its like having a good pep talk-and we all need those right? ;)
YOU'RE STRONG
How often has it happened -- an acquaintance hears your story or sees your child and says, "I'm not as strong as you. I could never deal with all the things you deal with." And you shake your head modestly, and brush it off, and maybe even feel a little condescended to. But you know what? They're right. You're strong. You're facing things that the average parent doesn't even want to imagine, and you're handling them. Whether you were strong to begin with or had strength thrust upon you by necessity, you're one strong parent, one strong person. Your family needs that strength, your children thrive on it. You may wish you never had to be so strong. But appreciate that strength now. It makes you special. Capable. A force to be reckoned with.
Day 1
READ: "We ought to approach the problem of children's disobedience and disruptive behavior with the same imagination, intellect, and patience that we use, say, to close a business deal, find a cure for cancer, or land on Mars. We shouldn't reserve for our children our least creative, least intelligent, and least controlled methods for solving problems." -- from Delivered from Distraction by Edward M Hallowell, MD, and John J. Ratey, MD •
REFLECT: Am I hesitant to use my imagination when dealing with my child's behavior? When did I last have an idea for handling my child that really worked?
RESPOND: Try to implement one creative solution for your child today -- add to your "bag of tricks"; choose realistic goals; customize a behavior chart to his or her needs and interests.
Invisible.....
"I'm invisible.
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, theway one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to betaken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweepingthe floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see meat all.
I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but nowthey had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going... she's going ... she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, andshe was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not tocompare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a clip and I was afraid I could actuallysmell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly surewhy she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devoured - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which Icould pattern my work:
(1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
(2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
(3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
(4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny birdon the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As oneof the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book wentso far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for threehours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built ashrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then,if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world willmarvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to theworld by the sacrifices of invisible women.
God Bless You as you build your Cathedrals!"
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I LOOOOOOOOOVED this-can you all relate to this as much as I do? :)
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, theway one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to betaken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweepingthe floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see meat all.
I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but nowthey had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going... she's going ... she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, andshe was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not tocompare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a clip and I was afraid I could actuallysmell peanut butter in it.
I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly surewhy she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."
In the days ahead I would read - no, devoured - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which Icould pattern my work:
(1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.
(2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
(3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
(4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny birdon the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof?No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As oneof the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
The writer of the book wentso far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for threehours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built ashrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then,if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world willmarvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to theworld by the sacrifices of invisible women.
God Bless You as you build your Cathedrals!"
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I LOOOOOOOOOVED this-can you all relate to this as much as I do? :)
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