Fiddler Time..........

This song-is one of my all time favorites.......We used to watch it as a family when I was little and my Dad absolutely loves this song and has to get up and act out the parts-its sooo funny and well this song really cheers me up. I even downloaded a bunch of musicals on my MP3 player and Ive been listening to Fiddler On The Roof for the past 3 days now...LOLOLOL But this song above all others puts a smile on my face when nothing else does...:)



Ive been moody...sullen...I dont know what to call it...a bit discouraged...all rolled into one....sigh...at any moment I can have my eyes watering...LOLOLOL- total pity party going on ard here...LOLOLOL

And it all boils down into my dang problems with my leg, calf, toes, butt...LOLOL-Im just soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick of hurting..of being uncomforteable....

I went to therapy tday agn....same thing...but felt sooo good-as usual. I lay on my stomach with pillows propping up my stomach. My therapist then places these electrodes on my low low back area ;) down a little on my thigh. Then she puts a heated pad and blanket on top. Its sooo awesome-feels really weird, like a bunch of water running down my leg...but it pulses and feels sooo good:)She turns off the lights and I just lay there and zone out...LOLOL-soo nice..

But anyway-thats the routine when I go-she also gives me excercises to do at home-which are a killer...but thats what Ive been doing.

She says that I tore a muscle right above a joint in my upper butt cheek and its going to take 8-12 weeks to heal-it will be that fast(HA-fast)because its the first time Ive torn something-If I tear it agn it will take much longer-and geesh...I cant even imagine...

So Im not walking with a cane now. When I wake up its all really sore, but If I keep moving Im pretty good-its when Im relaxing that it gives me problems. Its hard to describe but its a constant aching and throbbing and just really uncomforteable... yeah...:(

I was doing really good and it wasnt hurting much-unless I was going downstairs etc..I was cutting down on my muscle spasm pills and hydrocod...things were going really well...but yesterday I went out to rake leaves with the kids and that night I coulndt take it anymore-I had to take my pills and now its been bothering me agn-even up to my butt which until yesterday it was just in my calves and toes-which are in a constant state of numbness. but now its all back agn...which had me all bummed agn. had me worried too because it felt like just before that painful deal on the stairs on Halloween...when I coulndt move it was so painful so I was freaked that it was going to happen agn.

But Im just taking it slow...again...which has me bummed agn....

Its hard because no one realizes how delicate it is...Im walking okay-so everyone thinks Im fine-but like the therapist said-just cause it looks fine on the outside-doesnt mean it is...which I realized after I thought I could handle raking leaves last night....geesh....

Therapist said no way can I even go to my classes for a long while....Shes thinking I wont be good till after Xmas...which is really depressing....and we are paying for the gym every month too....geesh...

So I have to be careful with everything I do, not overdue it-and I have no idea how not to do that ....but Im trying.....yeah....:)

So anyway thats the deal lately....Its all just so stupid and I hate it...I hate not being able to just lye down without my leg throbbing, I hate my toes and calf being numb,(the therapist says its still swollen-the muscle- and its squeezzing my nerve that runs down my leg which is why its staying in a constant state of numbness) I hate not being able to have the pups inside, I hate not being able to juts sit ther and do whatever without being pumped up on pain meds...its driving me nuts!I just hate not being normal me!!

I feel like Im old-if this is what its like to be old and hurting-I tell ya-its for the birds....

But Im feeling okay-which I am thankful for-the kids have been really good and dh-well hes just been awesome-so I am so blessed....

I guess Ive just been having a pity party because Ive never been sore so long before and its a real pain just waiting for it to heal...but wait I must...and so thats what Im doing...:)

fa-la-la too-my fav season of the year- and its juts not doing it for me lately...LOLOLOL What a total bummer...LOLOLOLOL