I LOVED this!!!!! :)-Enjoy!
"My Kid Told a Lie!" (and more stories of autistic success)
Wednesday March 18, 2009
Autism success stories ARE different.
Who but other autism parents could cheer with you when you say "My kid told a lie! isn't that wonderful?! it means he really understands that I don't know what he knows - AND he's trying to manipulate outcomes! Whoopee!"
And who but other adults on the spectrum would get it when you say "YES! I finally figured out why that joke was funny/why that person rolled her eyes/when to stop talking at a cocktail party!"?
Autism successes may look small to outside eyes. But the reality, as we all know, is that "small" successes can pave the way to remarkable outcomes.
The child who learns to fib today may discover a talent for acting tomorrow... and even make friends next week.
The teen who learns to read body language today may pick up on sexual signals next week, and develop a romantic relationship next month.
The six year year old who finally uses spoken language may, someday, become a fluent conversationalist.
The ten year old who picks up a violin for the first time and wows her teacher may have the makings of a true virtuoso.
The young adult who exchanges smiles with a co-worker may be on the road to building a solid friendship.
These are not small changes. These are the types of changes that mean the difference between being alive - and really living life. They may even be the types of changes that herald amazing accomplishments.
And what's more deserving of celebration than that?!
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March 18, 2009 at 6:09 pm
(1) Judith says:
Thank you for this post! It reminds me of when my son finally understood humor and the doctors all wanted to know what I did. I remember telling them that for years, the family explained every joke, pun, play on words, double entendre,etc. until we were blue in the face. Somewhere in middle school, he got it and is now has a wicked satirical sense of humor, reading Dilbert and Spy vs Spy.
March 19, 2009 at 10:59 am
(2) James says:
Humor is one thing. . But it is NOT good for our kids to learn to tell lies. Outside of that they don’t know how to get out of them, once they do lie, it becomes something they get obsessed with. Eventually no one trusts them, and when they tell the truth they can’t understand why they aren’t believed.
Trust me, I’ve worked with enough of these kids to know.
March 19, 2009 at 11:17 am
(3) Sandy says:
All of the above are good examples and I can see where some one would be thrilled if their child learned to tell a fib however, I am proud that my child is painfully honest. If he describes what happened, you know that’s exactly what did happen. A child with autism, once learning to do anything, can turn into a habit. I’d be more happy when the day comes when my child can recognize some one is lying to him. I really don’t consider lying a success. You then have to still teach the child it was wrong to do and explain why (before they ever learned it) that’s it wrong.
March 19, 2009 at 11:37 am
(4) autism says:
wow - interesting. when Tom first fibbed we were amazed and thrilled, because it meant he had grasped “theory of mind,” and was able to understand that we really, really didn’t KNOW whether he had anything in his pockets.
Of course, we’ve taught him NOT to lie since then. But acquiring that theory of mind skill seemed like a wonderful breakthrough to me!
Lisa
March 19, 2009 at 12:28 pm
(5) Bill says:
Lisa, you are absolutely right, raising a child with autistic behaviors is lots of little steps, each of which to outside eyes would seem trivial.
To someone who obsesses about them, they are big deals. Speaking as someone with Asperger’s who raised Asperger children, I grant they are milestones, but we didn’t think of them as a big deal, we thought that was within the range of how everybody progressed.
Yesterday you asked why people asked for autism success stories, yet didn’t read autism success stories. I think you answered your own question today by example and inference.
The mother with a child just diagnosed with autism cannot appreciate these little milestones against the noise of the madding crowd pointing fingers of blame. The parent who has already raised children already knows that it is just a series of little steps. To those of us with Asperger’s and who raised some of our affected children before 1994, when Asperger’s first entered the lexicon, and autism first started being separated from retardation, watch with curiosity and amusement at the bellicose parents who’ve just read the “Age of Autism” website, oblivious to the snake oil about vaccines and Amish. I know that neurotypicals have as much or more trouble imagining what it is like to have Asperger brain wiring, as we have understanding normal brain wiring, but try to imagine how you would feel if someone came up to you and pronounced that you “suffered” from something, when in fact you felt you were no more than idiosyncratic, and even your Asperger children fell within your perception of the range of normal. From this obtuse perspective, the little steps the neurotypicals celebrate, is the normal progression of milestones to someone raised in a family of Asperger geeks.
March 19, 2009 at 12:31 pm
(6) Lorna says:
I have always felt a little ashamed of myself when I did a mental “yess!!” when my autistic son displayed a bit of deception or had a good comeback in an exchange with another member of the family. Even my mother who lives with us, will reprimand him to his face but chuckle about it afterward when she is recounting the incident. We see these occurrences as hopeful signs that our child;s social skills are improving. Of course, none of this behavior goes undisciplined.
March 19, 2009 at 12:58 pm
(7) Sandy says:
I don’t think telling a lie is really theory of mind. Not for every child any way and it would also have to extend beyond just a fib to be theory of mind. My kid, if he ever figured it out, would simply consider it opposites.
March 19, 2009 at 1:58 pm
(8) AutismNewsBeat says:
My wife found nits in Chris’s hair Sunday morning, so to making the delousing process easier I shaved his head, Full Metal Jacket style. When he looked at himself in the mirror he said “Now all the kids will make fun of me.” I about fell over. He actually cares what others think! Yes!!!
March 19, 2009 at 2:37 pm
(9) Jen says:
Our son (almost 7) with pdd-nos was in a foul mood and didn’t want his sandwich for dinner last night. We left him in the kitchen and a few minutes later he came out and said he ate his sandwich. But he had thrown it away! He tried to trick us! I had a “how interesting” reaction to it. I think it does represent a sort of milestone and he got a good talking to, but I think this was a good thing.
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