"Sometimes I feel I want to run away- I want to get away"....

NO............Im not running away...LOLOLOLOLOL
Gotcha lookin though-eh? :) its a song thats popping into my mind right now-LOLOLOL;)

Stinger has pulled this agn at his new social skills group last week-the running-doesnt want to go anymore, says he doesnt want friends, etc :( He doesnt want to join in the games now, is being defiant, wants to go in the other room and play by himself instead of with the other kids in the group.......He says the building smells funny, the classrooms smell funny, the tecahers and kids smell funny-hes NOT interested????
...sigh.....I just dont know abt this.......I coaxed him to go today with a trip to McD's if he tried hard and had fun?????

I go there to pick him up and it was just a very sad feeling that I got watching him. I guess it was kinda like what dh was saying when he went to school one day and watched Stinger playing at recess......saying that it just looked like he didnt belong-that he was the odd one out there. Thats what I felt as I was watching him.

They were cleaning up. They were all drawing chalk pictures then it was time to go and clean up. I was just standing there watching for abt 15 min and I dont think he said a word to anyone there-let alone another child. He had a VERY sullen look on his face as if no one was even there-going through the motions and cleaning up as he should, but no facial expressions when he was told what a good job he was doing, getting praised for a job well done, nothing-no glancing up, no smiling. No acknowledgement whatsoever. Its as if he had a bubble ard him and when ANYONE talked to him hed move away and would go way ard them to do what he had to do. Not looking at themor looking up.....Does that make any sense?

None of the other kids that I could tell where acting like this.....he just looked way out of place with them all. I dont know if he could even tell, but it breaks my heart to think he might-kwim?
I mean the teachers where engaging him, the kids came up to him and talked to him-nothing was given back to any of them from him....:(

I was pretty nervous when I walked in there as when I dropped him off today the head teacher told me she had called his therapist and was talking about restraining him if he ran or got upset agn like he did last week, but wasnt going to do it unless she had a chance to talk with me abt it. He actually made it outside last week-which scares me to death as its right in town by the busy main road. So I told her it was okay if he was getting out of control-but I did caution her that when hands are placed on him he gets worse and is VERY aggressive, breaks down and cries, then will settle down-just wanted her to know so she could weigh the pros and cons in doing anything like that.

So when I walked in to pick him up I was relieved to hear he had had a good time, chose not to be involved in the games, but didnt run. So I was very happy abt that and proud of him for controling that urge he has when he gets upset to run away.
But then I sat there and watched him, and it was a bit disheartning to see how he really does interact when he is forced to..... its as if he was just going through teh motions ashe knew what was expected of him...

I dont know-this is only his 3rd time....but Im wondering if Im trying to change something in him that just isnt going to ever be typical here....
He LIKES being alone...he likes to interact-but on his own terms and in his own way-if thats not possible he is fine by himself, and he is happiest that way....
Is this forced "play time" making him misereable???Is Isolation that bad???To what extent is it bad? Is it wrong for me as his mom to want him to have friends, when he doesnt really care abt making any?
IS it something that CAN be changed-do we want to change it? I mean who is to say what is right or wrong here-ME?????Im supposed to say-
1. you will have friends
2. you will be social
3. you will be involved
4. you will show feelings -even if they arent there
5. you will be typical-even if you cant and dont want to?
It just seams ......i dont know...wrong to me somewhat-kwim?

There are 2 kinds of parents out there: Those searching for a cure for their kids, and those fighting the cure. Its a big debate as one says the other would be like destroying the child with ASD-and they are fine how they are. As if to say if you took away the ASD you take away the child and who they are? Many grown adults hate the "Cure Autism" agendas out there-and say they are just fine-let them be. They say these social skills, same as the eye contact, can be mimicked if drilled long enough-but they are just that -mimicking-not actually able to teach themselves to feel or do it on their own.....is this what the goal is????To appear typical?

I guess Im just trying to figure out what side of the battle I am on here??????Am I not accepting who Stinger is? Am I helping him for him or me(does it make me feel better)...and sheesh I beat myself up abt this question above all others daily........
"one day at a time-one day at a time"

We ended up going to McD's-had a ball, stayed and ate and played for hours.....because of his great day he had.......why then do I not feel so great????I just wish I knew for sure if Im doing the right things here......