She Will be Missed :.....(

As most of you all know we love Rotties in this house. We thought we had finally picked the perfect breed for our family after doing TUNS of research. One that could take Stingers impulsiveness, was a good guard dog( out in country and hubby works swings-so this was important to me when dh was not here),very protective of family members, doesnt bite, not a yapper, work dog, affectionate, loveable.

Bell who is our 3 yr old Rottie has been our best dog EVER-she absolutely adored Stinger-loved to play with him, they wrestled and loved on each other-she is actually our only dog that he allowed to slobber on him-which is a BIG thing-kwim? They were buddies :(

I had noticed over the course of 2 months that she was becomeing irrateable-took her to the vet-nothing wrong. So I continued to watch her and keep an overly watchful eye on her and the kids. She would grunt at me and even dh when we told her to move or get up etc-liek she was sooo anoyed etc-just moody-kwim?

Well last 2 weeks ago last Friday she snapped. Unfortunately it was at Stinger. He went up to her and layed by her to give her some loves and BOOM-she ripped into his hand. Nearly tore off his fingers. Bailey just sat there-stunned- then got histerical-crying screamingrunning ard with his bleeding hand. It was terrible :(

He did nothing wrong -I saw the whole thing-and she just layed into him-I still dont understand what happend-Ive been rehearsing what I saw over and overand over and over-but nadda-he did nothing.

So we all were very upset over the whole ordeal and we put her in the kennel outside. She was a totally inside dog. Anyway we procedded to fester all week abt what to do. Bailey didnt need stitches thank the Lord. But we couldnt have her inside anymore with the kids as our trust in her was just nill now-and we were scared abt what might happen to anyone else if she got out of the kennel etc.....We thought abt surrenduring her to rescues that we called-but they wouldnt take her as she had bitten :(And we couldnt give her to another family as she could do the same thing. Everyone we talked to said that once they had bitten it was just a waiting game before it happend again.So we decided to put her down on Friday :(

Dh is still very upset abt it-he was the closest to her. The kids including Stinger have all taken their turns crying over it-I just try not to think abt it or I end up in tears. :( I have told Stinger its not his fault-I pray he doesnt think it is. That is my biggest worry that he is blaming himself. I told everyone that we just couldnt keep a dog that hurts people like that. Im just worried abt how it is effecting Bailey inside-kwim?

We have never gone through anything like this before-we thought shewould live with us till she grew old. And we are all pretty much shocked abt it and sad still. I think she has left a big hole in Stingers world- She was a big part of his life :(

Anyway-I havent felt like writing and Im extremelly moody as of late-just ask the kids;)LOLOLOL, so Im going on the down low for a bit till Im at my happy place again:)-LOLOLOLOL

What They Forgot to Mention.....

by: Sandy Sotzen

I remember the day of my son’s diagnosis of autism as if it were yesterday. The tone of the doctor’s voice, the silence in the room, the words “lifelong disability, no cure, I’m sorry” still sting when I allow myself to reflect on that day.

But I have paused on occasions too numerous to count and thought, Someone should’ve mentioned that this would be part of the package when my child was diagnosed with autism. Someone forgot to mention that I would listen to my child’s simple utterances or attempted approximations as if he was a world leader giving the speech of a lifetime. I could never have imagined the worth of a single word despite the fact that I may never hear it again.

Someone forgot to mention that when my son was finally potty-trained at age nine, there would be few people who could understand the significance of such an accomplishment, and even fewer with whom I could actually share it.

Accomplishments of any size, their true worth known only to me, would bring quiet celebrations between my son and me. Someone should’ve mentioned that autism is messy! Wallpaper’s meant to be shredded, bathrooms are designed to be flooded, walls are bare in order to smear stuff on them, washable paint really isn’t, and more food will actually be crushed and dropped than eaten.

I wish someone would’ve mentioned that autism is extremely expensive! Doctors, therapists, medications, supplements, conferences, and sensory equipment are only the tip of the iceberg. I could not have guessed that my child’s disability would allow people to cross our path in life who otherwise would not have, and that such people would willingly respond to a child in need.

Someone should have mentioned that each time a child with autism initiates or engages in a reciprocal hug, that feeling that you had when you held him for the first time comes back time and time again.

And they forgot to mention the day my son was diagnosed with autism that the triumphs over this disability would far outweigh the tears, that laughter would eventually ease the sense of loss, and that sheer faith would allow me and millions of other parents to fall into bed exhausted each night, only to get up the next day eager to discover what else they forgot to mention.

Reprinted by permission of Sandra Beth Sotzen © 2006 from Chicken Soup for the Soul: Children with Special Needs by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Heather McNamara and Karen Simmons. In order to protect the rights of the copyright holder, no portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. All rights reserved.

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K-this book is going on my wish list :)Its a new Chicken Soup for the Soul book out now-boy-can you say have tissues handy :)......

Interesting Autie Perspective......

Diamonds in the Sewer
Monday, December 11, 2006

The Autistic Explosion: What it is like from the insideGuest Post by Robert Biales

I have been asked that I, as an adult Autistic, give an explanationof my motivation when I explode. I feel it might help others who endup on the receiving end of an explosion.

One of my jobs is working at a convenience store. One of the tasks is to take money out of the registers, count it out and then place it in a deposit bag. After this is done a cash check is performed. The cash check is counting the unsold instant lottery tickets and the cash in the safe and registers, then comparing the totals with the computer tallied expected totals.

The work schedule lists who is supposed to perform the cash check at a certain time during the day. Usually, but not always the same person does the deposit as well.Yesterday I had gone into work without having anything to eat. I was hungry. We do not take scheduled breaks but fit them in when we can, usually doing paperwork, like the cash check, while we eat.

I was scheduled to do the cash check halfway through my shift. It seemed like the perfect union. I would eat while I did the deposit. I could wait until then. I had it all worked out in my mind. I had a plan. I did not inform anyone of my plan. I didn't think it was necessary.When the time came to do the deposit I noticed that someone else was already doing it. OK! I can handle that. It just means I will need to eat when I do the cash check. It is only a few more minutes wait. So I wait. I still didn't mention anything to my co-workers. Why would I need to? I was scheduled to do the cash check. Everything was set and in place.Then the other shoe dropped. Our manager decided he wanted to do the cash check and started doing so. How dare he? He is denying me my much needed food. Now I am going to have to wait even longer, maybe another 2 hours before I can eat. He thwarted my well crafted plans. I was upset. I was angry. I had enough sense and presence of mind not to meltdown right then and there but I am sure my face showed my feelings.

The manager commented on my look. I responded by informing him I was very hungry and had planned on eating while doing the cash check that he was doing and now I couldn't eat. Mind you that we were at a rare moment when there were 4 people working and the store can operate with only 2. The manager looked at me almost dumb-founded and replied, "Then why didn't you say, 'Hey I am really hungry and need to take a break'?"

I felt foolish now. It sounded so simple. What happened wasn't a plot against me. What happened were people doing their thing without my providing input since I did not think it was necessary.Feeling foolish when you are angry is not a good combination. I continued to work and stew until a couple minutes later when the manager returned and suggested I go take a break.

Autistics don't deal well with having their plans thwarted. For myself, at least, I do not feel it is always necessary to let others know what my plan is. I assume they will know, or figure it out or not get in the way. This action often leads to thwarted plans.

Unfortunately when that happens our response is highly emotional. It is like revving an engine and quickly throwing it into gear. We are off and running without taking the time to assess the situation.We are hyper-focused on our plan, the events we expect to happen and items that we expect to be there. This means when the plan changes we do not think, 'What changes do I need to make to get back on track?' Instead our emotional clutch kicks in and we are off riding the wave of outrage rather trying to adjust course.

We feel things were changed deliberately to upset us.Looking back on the situation I feel silly. Why did it not occur to me to say to someone, "Hey, we have coverage and I need to have something to eat before I pass out (or bite somebody's head off, or waste away to enormous (my manager's joke))"? I just did not see that as a possibility. The event was not an intentional thwarting of my will; I know that intellectually. Emotionally I have trouble withthat fact.

Robert

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------WOW-very insightful-eh?

Valentines Day Bash

Well........ after much thinking and talking things over with dh I have decided to pass on the homeschooling coop Valentines Day party.
Its going to be loads of fun-passing out V-day cards, story telling, treats and goodies, light lunch.
But the more of how I think of it as fun the more I realise it will be anything but fun for Stinger-wont appreciate teh cards or treats (last year fro teh Valentines Party at school when he actually knew the kids he refused to eat anything or touch anything as it had been "touched"by the other kids :(, it will probably be really loud and exciting-not good mixes for Stinger, probably wont like what they are eating, and Im proabably missing a zillion othe rthinsg taht will get Stingers feathers in a ruffle.

So.......we will have a party of sorts here at home. Ill find some games to do, have some goody bags, and we will decorate sugar cookies and eat what I know we will like to our hearts content. Sounds like a much better plan I think for everyone involved.

Dh says I should push him to go, but if the reason is to have fun and Stinger wont-then why-kwim?

We have decided also to keep him in the social classes 1 time per week. I dont think once a week is asking to much of him-kwim?

"I hate it Mom"-so it continues......

Well I had quiet a talk with Stinger yesterday Wanting to get a reason -anything as to why he doesnt like group. I was expecting him to say he hated the kids, the teacher-something along that line. But no...he goes on to list EVERYTHING-and trust me its everything-LOLOLOL

He doesnt like the teachers, the kids, the classroom, the stairs, its too hot, its too cold, the building smells funny......... teh list goes on and on and on and on and on.....

Im beginning to see what is going on here. Its the going someplace other than home deal yet again. This is the one thing during the week that I insist he goes out for. He will go with me to the store etc-doesnt object when its an outing of sorts. But going somewhere to drop Flamingo off or going to the store when we are supposed to be home doing the "schedule" he doesnt like AT ALL-and Ill hear abt it for the whole day........Some things he is okay to do and some times the schedule can be changed and its okay-but other times( like group, or dropping off sibs etc) is just not in his mind what is supposed to be going on at that certain time......

Okay...... confusing I know......and no-I havent quiet figured the whys and how to handle this yet.......

But I think I have established that its not group or the people per say-its going period, and at that time......for some reason its not right.....

He knows hes going out-so its not the change of schedule...He doesnt care for all kids-so its not these kids in particular,

But hes going out and he doesnt like it......

-okay after all that rambling Ive realised I still have no idea what Im talking about-LOLOLOLOL maybee a littel closer to figuring it out though-eh? ;)LOLOLOL

Anyway...Flamingo had her teacher conference today. She got a wonderful report as usual-is a joy to have in class and is always smiling and helping others:)
Teacher has noticed one area of concern and its her fluency when reading or sounding out. She has all the Phonics skills to do it, but she is taking a long time to finish a sentence.

One thing I havent been stressing with Stinger is the timed tests, the timed math, the timed reading.....I mean why add to his stress-kwim? I dont really see the point-Id rather him understand and know what he is saying that have him spit out something just for speed. But Flamingo is having to do all the timed drills in class and isnt doing so well I guess. Teacher gave me short stories to do with her every night and get her speed up????why??????Im just thrilled she is reading and doing so well-so what if its a little on the slow side? I dont know -maybee its just me.....but Id rather her get answers right than have it done quickly......call me clueless I guess.....

Is it THAT important-should I be doing this with Stinger? I brought home some rocket math sheets to try with him at any rate-I KNOW it wont fly well-LOLOLOLOL, so I might not even take another glance at them....LOLOLOLOL

What do you all think-important or no?

Okay-the polls are in.....

Well majority-okay all...LOLOLOL on my group say to pull him out......hmmmmm.....

They say its just adding to his frustrations and after we have fully established homeschooling maybe we could try it again. They say it might be adding to his anxiety as its making him face the feelings he had and memories he had at school-which I agree I hadnt thought abt and would make total sense....and would not be a good thing. I def dont want him remembering things from that place they call a school.....

okay any thoughts?

My Mind Festering Yet Again....

Okay-I posted this on my Homeschooling Aspie board to see what they have to say....Just something Ive been festering abt along with Stinger I guess.......hmmmm.....Anyway thought Id take you into the mind of Momma Bear tonight.....
I know.... scary-LOLOLOLOL

Hi Everyone- Im festering here...once again......LOLOLOL Whats new.....--------- is doing SOOOOOO well academically since I pulled him out of PS this year. It has been the BEST decision I have ever made-I dont think we will ever be going back......:)

BUT........Im festering abt his social skills. He's going to a social group-the teachers understand him really well and let him have his space, and give him room, yet try and coax him to interact with the other kids.....----- HATES going. He starts obsessing abt it on Monday and it doesnt stop until Wed( when he goes)He wants to know when he is going to be able to stop going as he isnt getting into pushing or shoving matches or any trouble lately....he says hes been doing everything I have asked him to do-to tolerate. So he thinks he should be allowed to stop going now-LOLOLOL

He still will not interact with any of the kids-he especially doesnt like many of the girls and wont talk to them, wont join in with the activities. He just will sit by the window( safe) the whole group time.

Ive talked to the Docs and they say its his anxiety and he will always be somewhat this way. -----has told me" this is how I am Mom-I dont want to get close, I dont want to make friends" :(

So what am I doing here? Do I keep him going? If it was up to him he'd be at home all day long following his "routine" and he'd be happy as pie. Playing with his toys in his room-occasionally playing with his sibs. Will this change? By keeping him going to this social group am I just refusing to accept this part of him? --------is only 8 so I know he is still young..maybee he'll change, and if he doesnt? Is it okay? Is it okay to be able to tolerate, yet not want to be ard others?

I guess Im just wondering what you all have decided to do with a child who has no desire to socially connect with anyone outside the family.....how long do you try and change this? do you try and change this? How old are your kids and have they changed, etc???? Guess Im just looking for any advice-if Im doing anything right here-LOLOLOL because some days it sure doesnt feel like I am , or not enough...then sometimes too much...ugh.....sigh....??? As usual-Im lost..... Anyone can help-Id be sooo appreciative{{HUGS}}

K-I guess Il let you know if I am ever enlightened with this perplexing question being answered........LOLOLOL
* yeah-I woulndt be holding your breath* ;)

My Baby is Growing Up......:(

Well...Today was an exciting day for Monkey Boy. It was a tugging at my momma bear heart day for me. Unlike my other little ones Monkey Boy has been the only one left with all his baby teeth-until today that is. Its been wiggling for abt 2 months-but he doesnt mess with it-unlike my other wee ones do when they get a loose tooth. So I had fogotten abt it until today-when it popped into my mind and I felt it and out it came-LOLOLOL

He's such a funny guy -always has me smiling.....and today was no exception. He has been flouncing ard showing and telling anyone who will listen for the hundredth all about his loose tooth-LOLOLOL .Telling us all how the tooth fairy is visiting tonight and how he is getting money. Boy he has been laying it on think in front of the other kids-made them both really jealous as they havent lost any teeth in a while-LOLOLOL. He even wanted me to sit him up on the banaster-he is scared of being up there and wanted me to see him sitting there-LOLOLOL. He sat there scared half to death-Such a toughy-eh? LOLOLOL It was hilarious- the look on his face and the bravery he was willing to muster-all in part of this little tiny itsy bitsy baby tooth-LOLOLOL. How funny is that ? Too cute. :) But it was a big day for him today :) How am I going to get through next year when he goes off to K?????!!!!!Ack!-LOLOLOLOL

Today was a fun art/history lesson-we learned abt weaving tapestries. We made a loom out of cardboard and weaved our own little tapestry on it. Of course I took pics-Ill post them soon.....Flamingo came home and wanted to do one too-she loved it as did all the kids. She even taped hers on the wall thinking it woudl make her room warm-LOLOL-I tried to explain to her that the ones that they made long ago were HUGE-so they did help keep in the heat. But she is adamant abt hers doing just as good of a job-LOLOLOL-too funny-eh? So they are taped on her wall-LOLOLOL
She also asked me to teach her cross-stitching tonight, so I broke out a little one and showed her and she loves it-My girl-eh? ;) So Im going to get her a simpler one at wal mart thsi weekend I think. She's working on a bunny one that she likes, but I think its a little advanced for her;)

Stinger has got another testing date coming up-Jan 31st. I guess its called CRT testing and its Raeding grade 3-should fly REAL well-hpftpft........sigh.....so we shall see..... I dont really care really-I just hate thinking he will coem away from it discouraged thats all I care abt and am worried abt. I know what he needs to be taught, what he knows, what he doesnt know, what his strengths are, what we need to work on-the test means didly to me......but try and explain that a test isnt important to a kid who has been told they are for sooo long and is scared of failing and being told he is too.......sigh......

Well I better go shovel the snow for DH-I love going out there to shovel at night-ist beautiful and sooo QUITE.........something I guess I dont take for granted these days....as they are few and far between. But I wouldnt have it any other way :)

Welcome To Beirut.....

This sure sums up the bad days-eh?

WELCOME TO BEIRUT
by Susan F. Rzucidlo (Beginner's Guide to Autism)

"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with autism-to try and help people who have not shared in that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this..

" There you are, happy in your life, one or two little ones at your feet. Life is complete and good. One of the children is a little different than the other but of course, he's like your in-laws, and you did marry into the family. It can't be all that bad.

One day someone comes up from behind you and throws a black bag over your head. They start kicking you in the stomach and trying to tear your heart out. You are terrified, kicking and screaming you struggle to get away but there are too many of them, they overpower you and stuff you into a trunk of a car.

Bruised and dazed, you don't know where you are. What's going to happen to you? Will you live through this? This is the day you get the diagnosis. "YOUR CHILD HAS AUTISM"! There you are in Beirut, dropped in the middle of a war. You don't know the language and you don't know what is going on. Bombs are dropping "Life long diagnosis" and "Neurologically impaired". Bullets whiz by "refrigerator mother" " A good smack is all HE needs to straighten up". Your adrenaline races as the clock ticks away your child's chances for "recovery".

You sure as heck didn't sign up for this and want out NOW! God has over estimated your abilities. Unfortunately, there is no one to send your resignation to. You've done everything right in your life, well you tried, well, you weren't caught too often. Hey! you've never even heard of autism before.

You look around and everything looks the same, but different. Your family is the same, your child is the same, but now he has a label and you have a case worker assigned to your family. She'll call you soon. You feel like a lab rat dropped into a maze. Just as you start to get the first one figured out ( early intervention) they drop you into a larger more complex one (school). Never to be out done, there is always the medical intervention maze. That one is almost never completed. There is always some new "miracle" drug out there. It helps some kids, will it help yours?

You will find some if the greatest folks in the world are doing the same maze you are, maybe on another level but a special-ed maze just the same. Tapping into those folks is a great life line to help you get through the day. This really sucks but hey, there are still good times to be had.

WARNING! You do develop and odd sense of humor. Every so often you get hit by a bullet or bomb not enough to kill you, only enough to leave a gaping wound. Your child regresses for no apparent reason, and it feels like a kick in the stomach. Some bully makes fun of your kid and your heart aches. You're excluded from activities and functions because of your child and you cry. Your other children are embarrassed to be around your disabled child and you sigh. You're insurance company refuses to provide therapies for "chronic, life long conditions" and your blood pressure goes up. Your arm aches from holding onto the phone with yet another bureaucrat or doctor or therapist who holds the power to improve or destroy the quality of your child's life with the stroke of a pen.

You're exhausted because your child doesn't sleep. And yet, hope springs eternal. Yes there is hope. There ARE new medications. There IS research going on. There are interventions that help. Thank God for all those who fought so hard before you came along. Your child will make progress.

When he speaks for the first time, maybe not until he is 8 yrs old, your heart will soar. You will know that you have experienced a miracle and you will rejoice. The smallest improvement will look like a huge leap to you. You will marvel at typical development and realize how amazing it is. You will know sorrow like few others and yet you will know joy above joy. You will meet dirty faced angels on playgrounds who are kind to your child without being told to be. There will be a few nurses and doctors who treat your child with respect and who will show you concern and love like few others. Knowing eyes will meet yours in restaurants and malls, they'll understand, they are living through similar times.

For those people you will be forever grateful. Don't get me wrong. This is war and its awful. There are no discharges and when you are gone someone else will have to fight in your place. But, there are lulls in wars, times when the bullets aren't flying and bombs aren't dropping. Flowers are seen and picked. Life long friendships are forged. You share and odd kinship with people from all walks of life. Good times are had, and because we know how bad the bad times are, the good times are even better. Life is good but your life in never normal again, but hey, what fun is normal.

Back in the Saddle......

Well today was our real first day back into the "schedule" ard here. Dh went back to work, Stinger and Monkey Boy had lessons, etc. Flamingo started on Wednesday and we at home were supposed to start then too-but Stinger had a really rough time getting out of bed-LOLOL-he was sooo tired and so was I ;)-so we decided to use one of our cards and go back to bed-LOLOLOL
Stinger has 3 cards he can use throughout the year and I have two where we can choose to do something else besides school per say-LOLOLOL. We still ended up doing some, but it was very relaxed and yadda yadda type deal-LOLOLOL

But everyone was up and at'em this morning and ready to go. Stinger and Monkey boy were actually excited to start the routine agn. Monkey Boy asked me even before bed tonight "Are we having school tomorrow?" I said yes. He says"YES!" and gives me a thumbs up sign-LOLOLOL He just makes me giggle sometimes-LOLOL-too cute!

Everyone has been playing and playing with their Christmas toys. Stinger got Batman and pirate ship legos and is just in Heaven! But Im having a hard time getting him out of his room lately to eat or anything...-hmmmm.....LOLOLOL. Monkey Boy is sticking his magnets to everything he can find and just having a ball zooming ard with his transformers-LOLOLOL-he sure has some get up and go going on....ugh...LOLOLOL. But very amusing at times;) Flamingo i sdrawing , drawing and jamming out to her new portable Cd player with head phones. THIS-is too funny to watch-LOLOLOLOL, she thinks shes really hip now-eh?

But we had a great Christmas. Dh and I actually made it to bed before 3 Christmas Eve-can you believe it! Christmas day we woke up, set up the camera, and I put cinnamon rolls in the oven( our Christmas day thing)and we told the kids they could come up. Priceless faces. Priceless noises. Wonderful parenting moments. What a time to be thankful. Truely we have been blessed.

and yes, our tree is still up and glowing......LOLOLOLOL

New Years Resolutions.....hmmm....

Well Im back-did ya miss me??????:)

I took a little vacation over the Christmas Holidays.
We had a WONDERFUL Christmas-just wonderful and Im again sad as I always am to see the season go:(
I told dh Im not taking down the treee until this next weekend-LOLOLOL-yes it's still plugged up and everything.....LOLOLOL-Im milking it thats for sure.....but I see neighbors still have their lights glowing-so Im safe-I might just wait until I see no lights on at night down the street-sounds good-LOLOLOL
Well I hope you all had a wonderful New Year. Ive thought of some resolutions and Im going to post them as I saw this posting and I said yep-these are mine. I'll come back soon and post all about Christmas.....
Okay so heres mine-whats yours??????

A Mother's Love
By Kimberly Eddy
Adapted from 1 Corinthians 13

If I speak truths from God’s Word and train my children in the Lord, but have not God’s love flowing from me to them, the words I teach are as noisy as a barking dog, a broken muffler, or a colicky baby at 2 a.m.


And if I have all manner of wisdom and knowledge in the latest child-rearing techniques, if I have an understanding of child psychology, and if I have subscriptions to every parenting magazine on the market but don’t have God’s love flowing from me, I am nothing.If I have all the faith I could ever need, so that I could move mountains, keep the house clean, or potty-train a two year old, but do not do it in love, I am nothing.


Even if I leave behind my own dreams and ambitions to raise my children, and even if I stay up for nights on end with sick children, sleepless babies, and mountains of laundry, but complain and murmur about lack of sleep, God’s love is not in me, and I am accomplishing nothing.


A loving mother is patient enough to wait for a child who insists on tying her own shoes and buttoning her own coat. A loving mother is kind to her children even on three hour’s of sleep and is never rude to them. A loving mother is not jealous or envious of everyone else’s children nor will she boastfully exalt her own children above others.


A loving mother models true Christian behavior even when no other adults are watching. A mother full of God’s love doesn’t seek her own rights, but demonstrates the servant hood of Christ as she serves her family.Such a mother doesn’t resent cutting corners to live on one income, but is grateful to raise her own children.


A loving mother forgets her children’s sins as soon as the discipline is over, and never reminds them of their imperfections but encourages her children in good works. A loving mother doesn’t look at her children’s rebelliousness as a cute phase but rejoices in seeing her offspring grow in godliness.


Only a mother with God’s love can bear the day to day tasks of managing a family with zest and joy. She is able to see the potential hidden deep within each of her children and prays that God will shine through them into a dark world. With such a vision clear in her mind, a mother can endure anything.
A loving mother’s influence will never fade away. Oh, the children may forget a spotlessly clean house, or perfectly pressed clothes, or even freshly baked cookies, but her children will always carry with them the legacy of God’s perfect love.

Though all you may see now are stacks of dirty dishes, diapers to change, noses to wipe, and wild toddlers to tame, the spirit in which you tackle these tasks is laying the foundation for your children that has eternal consequences.


There are three things your children will always remember about you:Your faith and zeal in how you serve the Lord.Your hope in the promises of God’s word and how you waited and watched for His return.And the Love of God that flowed through you to others.

It is these three that will remain in their minds forever, and the greatest of these is their mother’s love.
Copyright 2000, Kimberly Eddy, www.joyfulmomma.org.

Thanks Secret Sis :)

Well I feel sooo incredibly bad..........I went out to the garage to our deep freeze to get our ham for Christmas and I see a box in there on the floor. Im not even sure when it was put in there by the mail man......sigh....I cant believe it-I have been home as the weather has been so bad all week and Ive been not feeling too hot... but he didnt leave a note on the door letting me know it was in there or rang the bell...SOMETHING......Sheesh.....but he didnt. So I had no idea.
So I apoligize secret sis if this is soo late of a thankyou:(
It was so plum full of tasty things and treats and a really nice blanket-my kids say its like laying on a cloud and we all end up fighting over it-LOLOLOL. Its really nice :) and I really like the Christmas tree decoration. Thank you so much you are so sweet and generous.
You went way and beyond{{HUGS}}

The Yuck Bug....

WEll.......
Seams I have picked up a nice little friend...LOLOLOL. Thought I had gotten over it, but its baaaaaaaaccccckkkkkkkkk! LOLOLOL
Gunna do wonders for not putting on the old Christmas pounds-but thats the only good in it I see.;)
I cant keep anything down-food wise, but I can still drink liquids-so Ill be fine-LOLOLOL
As you know-Moms arent allowed to get sick.....LOLOLOL
uggh.....I dont feel like eating anything-let alone cooking any Christmas treats...:( Boy...that puts a damper on things......
hopefully it will just pass by tomorrow etc....

School is going good. We got a light timer from Papa and Nana and we are just loving it!!!! Its been helping sooo much! Its just like a stop light and each section of light has noises you can pick. The boys really love it and its keeping us on task alot better :)

One more week until Flamingo is out for the Christmas break. She is so excited and I am too to have her home :)

Everyone is giddy with excitement as on Sunday we will be going to our Grandparents to have a Christmas celebration with Papa and Nana. Im excited-its going to be like an early Christmas with the ones we love-what could be better-eh? I cant believe how this month has just flown by. Christmas season is just wayyyy to short :(

A Remarkeable Woman I know...

This was written by a woman I hold dear to my heart.

She has been my inspiration so many times-someone I lean on and have reached out to when things were just not right. She has a way of writing that just seams to touch my heart and make it melt. She is remarkeable and is truly a HERO in my book......each day her words keep me pressing on. I know you will be touched and will understand as you read this:
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The Teachings of Ethan

From the very minute, I learned of Ethan's existence... my lifechanged in ways I couldn't even even conceived of. I was so overjoyed. So excited. I knew things this go round, that I didn't knowbefore. I was older, more mature. More aware. I could do thingsdifferently. I would have a beautiful nursery. I procured everythingnew. I would have time with this baby. I would make time. I couldchange every little mistake I'd done before, and rectify all myparental misgivings.

That is hilarious to me now.

When Ethan's birth, was such a catastrophe, and my whole world turnedpear shape, even then I didn't have a real idea about the years thatwould come after. About the changes that would take place with in me,and even in the family.

I think one of the first lessons that Ethan taught me, was trust andfaith. I learned in the first three months of Ethan's life while hewas at Primary Children's Medical Center, to trust my spiritualconvictions. Not just to pray, and expect the answers that I wanted,but to recognize that no matter what happens, that life isn't in ourhands.

After the hospital, and things calmed down I was somewhat at a loss asto what to do with this new life I was in charge of. I gainedknowledge. I learned and re-learned and re-learned again- medicalterms, I gained the understanding of communication. How do speak tomedical personal, and how to listen. I learned over the course of thefirst year, about the substantial effects, that would effect Ethan forhis lifetime.

With this, came confusion and concern. Worry andheartache. Pain and anguish and once again, the reminders of our firstlessons in trust and faith.

Unconditional love- ranks right up there at the top of the list. I'velearned to love, despite the obsticals. I thought that unconditionallove was a given. It isn't. It comes with challenges and curve balls.I've been amazed, with how much love Ethan has to give. I'm constantly- surprised and delighted with Ethan's genuine acceptance and love-ofeveryone. He has no barriers. Everyone who is kind to him is rewardedhis trust, smile, and love with out effort.

Another lesson is perspective. This is one I keep having to re-learn.Perspective. Understanding that every family has their own challenges.Private and more open. That driving down the road, wishing you couldbe like this family or that family is simply foolish. Each familystruggles. We can't possibly- compare. That has been a big one for me.Learning that NO matter what challenges we have, so does everyoneelse, those that might seem simple and easy to me.. are NOT simple andeasy to others. I've learned this in spades.

I've learned to look beyond. I see things differently. I see specialneeds kids in every corner and crevis of this planet. Everywhere I go,it's like I have a unique set of spectacles that can help me searchthem out. They used to be invisible. I used to briskly walk amongstthe masses, and never take a minute to reach out to people. That is nolonger the case. Ethan has given me the gift of Awareness. The worldthat I live in now, is bright and beautiful. Filled with all flowersof the earth. Colors and textures and beauty that I didn't see before.

Patience. Ethan has taught me patience. In every sense of the word.Patience with my fellow men. With my family members. With members ofmy community. It has not been a pretty lesson, and I am stillchallenged with it, and probably always will be.

I've learned Passion from Ethan. That might sound strange, but it isvery true. I've learned to advocate and educate other's about myexperience with Ethan. I've learned to help other's find answers totheir queries. I've learned to challenge local, state and federalgovernment agencies, when I think there is something unfair. I havetestified to congress about gaps in service, and the needs thatfamilies face. I have educated myself on the way our State functions,and what it takes to get policy amended. This again, is a newexperience for me, and I have found it fascinating.

The most important thing that Ethan has taught us, has beenConsciousness. I'm very aware of each tiny tiny thing that Ethan does.Things that I did not even notice with my other children, are hugemilestones to be marked, with Ethan. I take NOTHING for granted. Everytime Ethan rolls over, moves his legs, drinks his bottle. Every timehe does something new for the first time, is marked with awe andcelebration. Each bottle of pears he eats, bath he takes, mess hemakes, stereo speaker he destroys are things that I am ardently awareof. They are the fuel that keeps us going. They are the results of allthe efforts. They are beautiful testaments to all I believe in andhold dear.Ethan has taught us, that everything in life that we used to value, ismeaningless- and that the things we took for granted- are really themost important.

These are remarkable lessons to learn. All from a little boy, who Iwas told would never be successful in life- if he lived at all.
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Beautiful-makes my eyes tear up.

12 days of Christmas with a Twist-eh?

On the first day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a child with a disability.

On the second day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the third day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: an ache in my heart and a heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the fourth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a tear in my eyes, an ache in my heart, and a heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the seventh day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the eighth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: remarkable doctors, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hop e, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the tenth day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: an appreciation of small accomplishments, remarkable doctors, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with disability.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me: a sense of pride, an appreciation of small accomplishments, remarkable doctors, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the good Lord said to me: Reach out and SHARE your sense of pride, your appreciation of small accomplishments, your remarkable doctors, your supportive friends, your sense of humor, your ray of hope, your unsuspected strength for the tear in your eyes and the ache in your heart and your heart full of love for you child with a disability.

Dear Santa......

Dear Santa,
I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled mychildren on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my doctorand sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list outover several Christmases, since I had to write this letter with my son'sred crayon, on the back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, andwho knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze;but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle inthe grocery store.
I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the third month ofmy last pregnancy.
If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music;
a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy' to boost my parental confidence,
along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of powertools.
I could use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting don't eat in the livingroom' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury ofeating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season.
Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable?It will clear my conscience immensely.
It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.
Help yourself to cookies on the table butdon't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always, MOM...!
P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all the Mommy's you know*

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!!!

A Smile in the Mail :)

Thanks Secret Sis {{HUGS}}
I got your note yesterday and I have read and re-read it at least a dozen times. LOLOLOL
Talk about making my day!!!!!It really made my heart smile as it was filled with such love and encouragement-THANKS!!!! :)

Tis the Season....

Well last night was our last play practise. One family has strep *knocking on wood that it passes us*(they have three boys), many othe rlittel ones are getting sick-with stomach bugs and what not....sigh...tis the season eh?

Before practice started the Pastors wife ordered us all hamburgers and we had cake and chips and punch. It was really nice of her. Monkey Boy was in Heaven having his double cheese-and Flamingo with her nuggets. Stingers hamburger sat on the table not even touched. Seams he had a problem with everyone touching the wrapper when they were handing them out and refused to even look at his burger let alone eat it. He wouldnt even have any Pringles-which are his ultimate favorite chips :(

We had discussed the issue of him eating with everyone before we went which resulted in a meltdown and him hiding in the pantry just crying and crying.....I told him that i understood that these thinsg were hard,that he didndt have to like being ard other kids or people, but he needed to learn to tolerate it-to think it was OKay. He procedded to tell me in tears how hard it was and how everyone looked at him etc. I stressed that all I was asking him to do was try and sit with everyone, to sit with me etc. He finally through teras said okay and off we went.

So he ended up not eating, but he sat there at the table with me and I was very proud of him for that and for trying and tolerating being in a very uncomforteable situation for him and handling it so well :) So that was all I asked of him and he did it :)

Things like this which should be such a fun time are just misery for him....I get sad becuse I tend to forget that and think he is missing out on having fun...but to him its just not fun in no such fashion.

He's content to just play with his siblings at home and woudl do so and never leave the house I am sure if he had any say abt it. He would be in Heaven to be able and allowed to stay at home and not have to be put in social situations.....but I cant do that . I can shelter him and hide him and protect him...but how is that preparing him for a life on his own? Which again makes me feel bad wishing I could just let him be-let him be alone-as that is how he is happy being....sigh....I feel bad as a Mother anyway I look at it...any way you look at it...its just hard :(

Well enough of my festering.......

Im going to start Christmas baking tonight-Stinger is anxiously awaiting FUDGE-LOLOLOL, and is asking me every morning if I have made it yet...LOLOLOL
So I had better get a move on........
He's still sleeping-every since we took him off of his med he doesnt sleep so well-he just isnt tired at night like he used to be, which makes for a rough morning as of late......but hes doing really well otherwise.
Well I had better go and start our day :)

Hey-have I mentioned Christmas is right ard the corner and Im LOVIN IT!!!!!LOLOLOL-That cheered me up-eh? LOLOLOL :)

Gutenburg.....

We learned abt the Gutenburg Press today.
We cut potatoes in half and carved out designs-like they did with metal letters and painted them then stamped them. THIS finally sank in to Stinger as to what a wonderful invention this was and how hard and long it took to wright books before it etc.
But it was alot of fun too ;)


I have finally figured out how to keep Stingers interest in history...WHOOT!!!

We do a timeline for each and every thing we need to cover. Ive set up a binder and we make a page for each topic, event, or person on each page with the time period. Stinger seams to really understand this ALOT better. Its not just a bunch of confusing facts anymore-kwim? Hmmm-thinking how much this would have helped me, and yes-I am VERY History challenged and Ive been getting frustrated with it until now as well-LOLOL
So its helped me and its helped him to actually see when all these events were taking place.
We are still struggling with "WHY is this important MOM??? It happend SOOOOOOOOO long ago"but its somewhat easier to understand now anyway...LOLOLOL
Ive been trying to teach him mistakes people made, and how we can look back and see these mistakes and that maybee we can prevent them from happening again to us, taht we can learn from past mistakes etc...but ist not really meaning alot to a 8 yr old who is so in the here and now-kwim? LOLOLOL
But we are plugging along.

Today we finished abt 12: 30-it was incredible-LOLOLOL, Stinger worked so well and Monkey Boy played quietly when his lessons were done. Today I kinda did it different. Monkey boy math then Stinger math. Monkey boy Alphabet and Phonics then Stinger Phonics and Language etc. It ran much smoother from how it usually goes with interuptions - "Mom Im done" a zillion times with Monkey Boy etc. I worked with each one seperatly instead of together and it went MUCH better. So we'll see abt doing that from now on-eh?

Flamingo-sigh........I found out some distressing news from her this weekend. Seams her teacher is only allowing the kids( 1st grade-sheesh)to use the restroom at morning break, lunch and afternoon break, and if they need to go again-they are punished by making up the time at their breaks-sigh.....she actually writes down the time and then that time is owed. So little sweet Flamingo-who never wants to get in to trouble by asking to use the restroom when she really just HAS to go-instead has been having accidents secretly at school.

I could NOT believe this-boy it had me hot-not only are they 1st graders for goodness sake, but being in wet undies all day long is just screaming of wonderful infections going on and that sort etc. UGH-I was torked. So off went a note-I was nice;), abt letting Flamingo please take restroom breaks when she needs to go!!!!!!and not to recieve punishments for it good grief-as I am not liking what has been going on.

Flamingo reported back to me today that the reason the teacher does this is because kids mess ard in the hall-but Flamingo doesnt so she is free to go when needed-so says Mrs Teacher. BROTHER-okay so if she knows this abt Flamingo why hasnt she just let her go all this time...sigh...ugh......

Man-I feel like I have been here before...knock on wood! LOLOLOLOL

Tonight she told me she doesnt want to go to school tomorrow and wants to be home with us :(I said well what abt all your friends and of course she responds back "Well I dont have any" which i KNOW isnt true...or is it????hmmmmmm........sheeesh......

Yep-I'll be festering abt this for sure-LOLOLOLOL

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