This made my day :) Somoene out there really gets it.....

"In our book, and in almost every newsletter we write, we talk constantly about the burdens that parents of children with disorders must shoulder and overcome, all the while attempting to make decisions with the clinicians who work in an area of medicine that is still in its infancy. But we've never composed a stand-alone list that lets others look at what the parents must grapple with and withstand--in all its stark and disturbing reality. This list, sadly, cannot even be described as "exhaustive or complete," but as Mother's Day approaches, and Father's Day is just a calendar turn away, the parents coping with a child (or children) with disorders deserve special recognition and honor for their enormous valor as they:

Look at a very young and much-loved child with a nagging fear that something is seriously wrong.
Feel the external world bearing down on them, advising them to take multiple parenting classes or to tune into Nanny 911.
Feel infantilized and ashamed as people offer up criticism and advice.
Accept that they need help from a professional, but feel a stranglehold of fear.
Come to learn that there are only 4,101 child psychiatrists in the entire United States--many wary of making any diagnosis.
Watch their child and other siblings besieged by an illness for which there is little diagnostic or treatment consensus in the field of psychiatry.
Receive multiple diagnoses such as ADHD, OCD, ODD, PDD, anxiety disorder, or simple depression.
Come to accept that the child has a very serious psychiatric illness and make the agonizing decision to begin a trial of medications (if they can find a psychiatrist who can treat their child, or who has open hours).
Read the package inserts of medications which list possible side effects, as well as frightening black-box labels, and watch apprehensively for any signs of serious trouble such as lithium toxicity, tardive dyskinesia, Stevens-Johnson syndrome, new-onset type-II diabetes, or pancreatitis.
Attempt to explain to a child how the doctor is trying to help and what the medications are going to do; subsequently they watch their child experience distressing early side effects that include nausea and diarrhea and severe drowsiness; or worse, the paradoxical effects that produce the opposite reaction of what the drug is being used to treat.
Deal with the disillusionment of a failed medication trial and explain to that child why those pills didn't work and tell him or her: "We're going to try something else," knowing that they may have to repeat that phrase a number of times and thus begin a new round of side effects.
Have to get a child who has a needle phobia to a lab for a blood draw to determine drug levels. (This experience alone could turn one's hair grey.)
Watch children's weight balloon upward and their self-esteem plummet as they take certain medications that can be very effective, but that may also cause weight gain.
Become an all too familiar face at the pharmacy, experiencing shock at the cost of each prescription.
Have to suffer the ignorance of people in the media, who--in a cavalier manner--discuss over-diagnosis and over-medication.
Moreover, these parents hear certain clinicians in the field publicly utter insulting sound bites such as: "This is an easy way for parents to let themselves off the hook;" or "This is simply the diagnosis du jour.
"Have to listen to the word "No!" from a child one hundred times each morning but be unable to assert the parental "No" as it will predictably trigger a meltdown.
Suffer the physical abuse of a child raging out of control, and experience crippling shame because they can't manage their own child.
Are set adrift in a house that has become a war zone.
Deal with feelings that alternate from extreme anger at the child to the most unbelievable yearning to help that child, from anger at the outside world for failing to realize what is happening to them, to exhaustion in trying to deal with the child with some modicum of equanimity.
Become perplexed that their child often does well in the outside world, only to return to the safe harbor of home to rage at a parent (most often the mother), leading to the suspicions of outsiders that "Something must be going on in that household, and with that woman;" or "She seems so nice, but you never really know people;" or "He can keep it together at school, so he must be a very manipulative kid."
Have to mount a siege each school-day morning simply to get a child suffering a sleep/wake reversal up and out to school.
Hesitate to answer a phone, afraid that it will be the vice-principal in charge of disciplinary action calling to report an "incident" at school.
Come close to earning a degree in educational law so as to work with the school system.
Keep in constant contact with the teachers and psychologist or aide in order to assess what's working and where yet another accommodation may help.
Waylay careers and reduce household income so a parent can stay at home to deal with the child and spend hours at doctors' and therapists' and tutors' offices.
Experience the heartbreak of knowing that their child is rarely invited to birthday parties. Conversely, if he or she is invited, the event might be overstimulating thus provoking some kind of meltdown, and effectively putting an end to any such celebrations in the future.
Fear that their child will become aggressive with kids on the playground or in the neighborhood, thus earning disdain and a cold shoulder from the other parents.
Want the world to understand, but fear that the stigma will further isolate the child and their family.
Attempt to explain the almost inexplicable to the siblings, and to help them cope with the chaos in the household.
Feel overwhelming guilt that the family is always fractured as one parent goes to a soccer game while the other stays home with the unstable child; or that a rare dinner at a restaurant devolves into an embarrassing, abruptly-ended event as parents race the child and siblings home and away from disapproving diners.
Are paralyzed if a child becomes manic and hypersexual and says inappropriate things or makes inappropriate gestures.
See their marriages become shaky as the stress of coping with this illness leaves parents little time to relate to each other and most conversations begin to center around the problems of their ill child.
Listen with horror as their child screams, "I don't want to live anymore;"or "I'd be better off dead."____________________________________________________

It is hard to fathom how these parents get through a day. Their reality is simply unimaginable to the outside world, and their lives--until their children are stable--are a virtual stew of guilt and powerlessness, anxiety, fear, uncertainty, confusion, blame, and shame. These are feelings that most of us would do anything to avoid, but all are feelings that a family who lives with certian disorders must endure for months and years at a time. And yet, we see family after family find the help, learn to cope, steady their footing, and move on with their lives. And then we see them turn around and offer a lifeline of information and support to others who must walk the same path, only now no longer alone.

Some people think of Mother's and Father's Day as Hallmark holidays; but we see them as an opportunity to celebrate such parents: their grit and their commitment, their love and their humanity....Parents who have never stopped trying to help their children--against seemingly overwhelming odds.Please take good care of yourselves. We send you our best,Janice Papolos and Demitri F. Papolos, M.D.

Going Scuba Diving-who's up for it???LOLOL;)

5-7-Monday
Lame topic there...but it says right there how Stinger is doing.....we are deep in the abyss right now.......sigh.....its been a way down deep day. 36% today...36%!!!!!!:(

Why?????? I havent a clue......When?????I havent a clue.......

So he gets no treats today-which means its going to be a rough night for all of us and I explained the deal to him and he went into the pantry and just started grabbing things and throwing them ard in there..... yelling and being very upset abt such a small thing-but I guess BIG to him???

Thats the deal-level 1 or 2---->no treats or snacks that Stinger loves.....he then went down to his room and slammed the door and started to cry....calling me every name in the book, which means tonight he will get soap in his mouth-another fun episode to live through....

EVERY night he is coming upstairs-we told him no more coming into our room-so he wakes up grabs everything off his bed including the fan and takes it upstairs to the couch. He comes up at odd times-could be 4 in the morning, could be 6.....but hes not getting enough sleep I'm sure of it as today while taking a timeout in the chair(which was actually a good choice) at school he fell asleep in it for 45 min?????So that could have contributed to his day...I have stopped trying to figure it out..is it sleep, is it the teachers, is it the classroom, is it the aides, is it the other kids, is it the work, is it to hard, to easy, is it the unstructured time, is it the testing right now, is it the weather, is he hot, is he not being listened to or understood there at that school?

As soon as I blame it on something-it changes so I have no idea...but I imagine its a combo deal-something from everything......how to fix it? Can I fix it? What should I be doing differently as what we are doing just isn't working.....

And how long do I keep listening to the school saying" its just going to take some time"????I guess I just keep hoping one of these days.......but what if it never comes-how long do I wait here...how long do I keep hoping that everything will work itself out.....

I know I don't know the Lords timing-I never have even faintly understood it frankly....but He's not giving me much guidance here and yes this has made me stronger...but now what-what should we do???

Maybe I'm missing something...yet I have planted my field and I'm ready for the rain..yet it doesn't come.......what am i missing.....

He's not eating my dinners. Its a fight every night.....I finally asked him what he WILL eat and managed to get some things at the store. So while we are all eating tacos-yes he used to eat them...he is eating ravioli's-but at least he is eating something somewhat healthy-right?

I figure If I can cut down on the battles ard here -its a GOOD thing;)LOLOLOL So problem solved...until it changes again, or on to the next.....-LOLOLOLO

Im meeting with our MH case worker tomorrow-to try and brainstorm abt what is going on etc....how Stinger is doing....Im hoping for some miraculous answers-can you tell.....but anyway-he'll be also letting me know abt the summer programs etc-which I am excited to learn abt.

I changed my blog a bit-more color-more cheerfulness-eh? Like? But the dates seam to have totally vanished???LOLOLOL Go figure that one.....;)

Kindred Hearts.....

Today this was shared on one of my Utah groups I belong to. It was just beautiful and it brang out so many feelings that I can relate to. I have been so fortunate to have developed an online support group of friends at this group. Our children are all special needs and they each have so many differences and talents and are so very unique..and yet each one of us on there seam to have the same exact feelings hidden deep inside. We love our children through good times and bad . It is during these tough times that we cling to each other for support or just ears to listen. It helps me not feel so alone. They have always reached out and given me that hug I have so needed at various times through all of this. And for that I am and will be eternally greatfull :)

"YESTERDAY...

I wonder if anyone is listening. I spend so much time at the hospital with no one but myself, so I wonder if anyone is listening. Inside I scream out that I need help, I wonder isn't it obvious. Isn't it obvious that I alone can not do this, I alone can not be my own emotional support, I alone can not pat myself on the back and tell me that everything is going to be ok, so I wonder.

I wonder what is so threatening about a child that is broken. Is it his unpredictability, his unhealthy instability, his incapability. I wonder why this child reflects so much of his Maker, but has been visited by so very few. I wonder what makes us want to flee when we are not the ones in control of all of destiny. Why, when we can't understand or when life isn't suitable to us do we just get to leave-without thinking about the one we are leaving. It is not us that are genetically predetermined 'incompatible with life.'

I have made a career out of running from life. When things are beyond my control I leave them, or ignore them just so I don't have to admit to myself that I can't control them. Why. Because when I'm not in control of something-little or big- I'm scared that it's not going to turn out the way I want.

He is not the one that's broken, we are. He is perfect and pure, just the way his Maker intended him to be. We, having already eaten from the tree of life, are accountable for our actions. We are the adults, the responsible ones. Not him. He didn't do this to himself and us by not supporting him or those around him are sending the message that we don't accept who he is- even though he hasn't the first clue as to what we are talking about.So again, I wonder why.

Why if he hasn't anything to do with the way his body is do we treat him as if he does. Why if he doesn't have any control over his body, do we not understand why we don't. Acceptance is the key to understanding. Before I can understand anything, I have to accept that it is happening. If I'm not accepting something, then I am denying it. So maybe honesty with one's self is the key. Maybe there isn't just one key to unlock the door, maybe there's several. The door that takes us to the next level. The level of accepting others as they are, therefore accepting ourselves as we are- human. Fallible, genetically predisposed, and human. Emotionally, mentally, and physically challenged- human.

Everyone of us fit into a category.Maybe that was too deep. Maybe I'm rambling too much again. Sorry if I'm a bit angry, these last few months have been really rough for us. Sometimes people just really confuse me, and even though I am one, I don't always understand what others do. And sometimes it just really frustrates me.

TODAY...

Today is the last day before I get to bring my very own living, breathing, thriving miracle home. I am so grateful that I almost can't contain myself. He will be twelve weeks old tomorrow. THREE months old!! I can't believe it. My baby that wasn't supposed to make it through birth is coming home. I am so excited. I am so excited because we get to begin a new adventure.

I will officially be a stay-at-home mom, something I never thought I would be, now I can't stop thinking about it. I'm going to get to do all of the mommy things with my kids! I'm going to have an arts and crafts closet and I'm going to have time to organize stuff. I say I'll have time because now I don't have to worry about getting up and going to work, I can just do it when I'm at home.

I get to bathe my baby and put him to bed. I get to feed him with a bottle anytime I want. We get to have the looming aroma of dirty diapers. I get to have kids running in and out of the house and I can ask them to be quiet because the baby is sleeping. I can cook dinner and throw clothes in the laundry and wipe the baby's mouth and help the girls with homework and answer the phone and cuss Wade for running late all during dinner time...lol I am sooo excited.

We will have a house full of people for a while and I can't wait. Maybe I'll even learn how to cook as good as Wade. I might take up a hobby of scrap booking, who knows. I don't know because the possibilities are endless and that is a miracle. I can't believe how blessed we are. The sorrows of yesterday are gone with the sunset. What a difference a day can make. I feel like I could just sing right now, MY SON IS COMING HOME!!!"

Sooo beautiful-eh? It made me cry-as usual-LOLOLOLOL
God bless mothers such as this.....so strong......and an inspiration to us all......

A Beautiful Poem....and quick update....

Dear Lord :
As I go about my housework
Let me see each job I do,
As a service for my King
And a way of loving You.
Let me wash away my judgments
Of others right or wrong,
As I wash up the dishes
Place within my heart a song.
As I clean up little fingerprints
And lots of muddy shoes,
May I remember how you cleaned the feet
Of the loved ones you did choose.
As I mend up torn pajamas
And sew a button on,
Show me where I need to mend a breech
That's gone on far too long.
Let me tidy up my thoughts
As I tidy up the toys,
Let me sweep away my fears
Like the dirt from little boys.
May I be just as quick with my forgiveness
As I am with mop and broom,
Sweeping up the clutter
In my heart and living room.
May I rinse out pride and ego
As I rinse the bathtub out,
And while we are at it Lord
Let's take care of anger, hate and doubt.
Please remind me often Lord
That the way I'm called to serve,
Is an honor given me
And not below what I deserve.
You know Lord, as I look
At all the work we need to do,
I think we'd better house clean
At least each day or two.



Isn't that poem beautiful!!!!My new favorite! :)
Stinger is on a roll agn-doing wonderful. I think this is what kills me the most-the ups or downs. He is just like that poem-"when he is good he is very very good and when he is bad he is awful"....nah...not really...but its sky high or way under water ard here :) I just KNOW Ive grown a dozen or more;) grays from this little fella...what doesnt kill us makes us stronger though-eh?
Prayin for more sky high days :)

Something To Ponder.....

I recieved this today and boy-its the truth...

April is Autism Awareness month. Instead of discussing the "deficits"
challenging people on the autism spectrum, here are a few advantageous traits! For every
down side to autism, there seems to be a positive -- an unusual trait that rarely
appears among the "typical" community, but shines out among autistic folk. These plusses
are well worth celebrating.

1. People on the Autism Spectrum rarely lie.
We all claim to value the truth, but almost all of us tell little white lies. All, that is, except people on the autism spectrum. To them, truth is truth -- and a good word from a person on the spectrum is the real deal.

2. People on the Autism Spectrum live in the moment.
People w/ASD truly attend to the sensory input that surrounds them.
Many have achieved the ideal of mindfulness.

3. People with Autism rarely judge others.
Who's richer? Smarter? For people w/ASD, these distinctions hold less
importance than for typical folks. In fact, people on the spectrum often see through
such surface appearances to discover the real person.

4. People on the Autism Spectrum have fewer hidden agendas.
Most of the time, if a person w/ASD tells you what he wants -- he is
telling you what he wants. No need to beat around the bush, second guess, and hope you're
reading between the lines!

5. People with Autism are not tied to social expectations.
If you've ever bought a car, played a game or joined a club to fit in,
you know how hard it is to be true to yourself. But for people with autism, social
expectations can be honestly irrelevant. What matters is true liking, interest and passion.

6. People with Autism have terrific memories.
How often do typical people forget directions, or fail to take note of
other details? People on the autism spectrum are often much more tuned in to details. They may have a much better memory than their typical peers for all kind of critical
details.

7. People with Autism are less materialistic.
Of course, this is not universally true -- but in general, people with
autism are far less concerned with outward appearance than their typical peers.

8. People with Autism play fewer head games.
Most autistic people don't play "mind" games -- and they assume that
you won't either.
It's a refreshing and wonderful change from the Peyton Place emotional
roller coaster that mars too many typical relationships!

9. People with Autism open new doors for neurotypicals.
For many neurotypicals, having an autistic person in our lives has had
a profound impact on our perceptions and expecations.

10. People with Autism are passionate.
Of course, not all autistic people are alike. But many are truely
passionate about the things, ideas and people in their lives. How many "typical" people can
say the same?

Top Ten List created by: Lisa Jo Rudy


I am also reading a Nuturing book abt parenting and Im relearning alot of tips I knew once, but have somehow forgotten. The book is great it talks about parenting by natures way-taking aspects of how animals and things in nature parent and act and relating it to how we need to parent our kids or how we need to remember NOT to act. The book is called The Book of Nurturing. Chapter 2 deals with sea crabs.

Did you know that if you put a crab into a bucket it will eventually crawl out, but if you put more than one in there they will claw at the other, they both will, and neither one of them will ever crawl out as they pull each other down instead of build on each other and help each other get out. Weird- eh? They will continue to do this and never get out.

"What we learn from the crabs:

Crabs have an instinct to pull one another down
rather than boost one another up.
This reactionary tendancy prevents any crab
from climbing very high.
In our family, when we criticize
and put one another down,
we're being like the crabs.
Lets remember to boost one another up
and give one another compliments and praise.
Lets remind one another and always
try to remember not to be like the crabs."
------------------Linda and Richard Eyre

Stinger has been having some tough days lately..........really tough......but Im going to try something-Ive tried it in the past, but Im REALLY going to see if I can improve things by giving compliments and praise instead of always nit picking and condeming. Im going to go over Stingers tracker everyday and only talk abt what he did good that day. Im going to watch him closely and praise him when he is playing nice with Flamingo and Monkey Boy. Im going to tell him good job when he coperates in the morning and gets dressed. Im going to praise when he at least tries a food at dinner time. Im going to watch for him making good choices all day and give those things my attention . I think I have gotten into the rut of watching for all the behaviors I dont like and I have been pulling him down with this.....Ill keep ya posted how this goes.

The Special Mother

I might have posted this already-LOLOL-But its one of my favorites and bears to be repeated agn and agn-eh? Sometimes its nice to remember our flaws are what makes us perfect mothers to our special kids-;) :)

The Special Mother by Erma Bombeck

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures and a couple by habit.

This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children.
Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth; son. Patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

"Forrest, Marjorie; daughter. Patron saint, Cecelia."

"Rutledge, Carrie; twins. Patron saint, Matthew."

Finally He passes a name to an angel and smiles, "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one God? She's so happy."

"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But has she patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has her own world. She has to make her live in her world and that's not going to be easy."

"But, Lord, I don't think she even believes in you." God smiles, "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect - she has just enough selfishness. " The angel gasps - "selfishness? is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.
She will never take for granted a 'spoken word'". She will consider a step" ordinary. When her child says 'Momma' for the first time, she will be present at a miracle, and will know it!"

"I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice... .and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone.
I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing My work as surely as if she is here by My side".

"And what about her Patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiles, "A mirror will suffice."

Update-and odds and ends

Welll.....well......well..........Someone called me bright and early.

Teacher X was apoligetic and yet kept referencing back to something Stinger had done......Im not really surprized...AT ALL......

I guess she knows abt the aides wanting to find new jobs, said this was a good reminder though that they need to watch what they say infront of the kids...hmmm...

I do know from research that I have done that special education teachers do have a high turn over rate. I know this......I knwo it takes a special person to want to help these kids. But sheesh..keep the comments to yourself-kwim? How hard is that?!!!
So...Im waiting for them to GET new jobs and quiet complaining-eh, I guess? Wont we all be happier then-right? LOLOLOL????
So not much was accomplished-just that I wanted them to know that Stinger is aware of what they say and who knows what he will repeat back to me when they are home...Its think they need to be reminded of this every so often;)

And what do ya know-he came home the next day 100% -all 5's!!!!!:) Think this had anything to do with it...maybee....who really knows.

My main point in writing to them is to let them know that I am a concerned parent-that I DO care what goes on at that school. Maybee other parents there dont-but I for one do-kwim? So I feel I was heard and thats the end of it...I hope.....which is good :)

Dh is taking off today-he got a swing set for the kiddoes and is fixing up the tractor. Stinger is outside being Daddys little helper. Its kinda windy-so they decieded to put the swing set together later this weekend.

Flamingo and I played pretty girl this morning. We did our nails and toenails. She is so much fun. She forgot;) to tell me that shes not allowed to wear nail polish to school....LOLOL-hopefully weve got some remover ard here somewhere to take off that HOT PINK color she chose to do her nails with-LOLOLOLOL. What a stinker-eh?

Group is going good-the tecahe rthere is really good at listening to Stinger and getting eye contact from him before she directs him-she is a jem, and Stinger responds to this teacher beautifully and is enjoying group more and more. There is a little girl there who is always teasing him-playfully teasing him, and Stinger doesnt seam to mind this FROM HER-which is a BIG THING!!!LOLOL But things are going MUCH better at group. He is still choosing to play alone, but hes getting more and more adjusted to the whole place and the kids and teachers.

It amazes me how just the right teacher can make ALLLL the difference with him...

Im reading a Temple Grandin book-she is REALLY clever. Shes got high functioning Autism and has used a passion of interest she has to become very successful in life. Im just soaking up these two books. But Ill post abt them later. Shes got some really interesting ideas abt animal behaviors and autistic behaviors that seam right on having to do with sensory and flight or fight behaviors etc....Very interesting indeed!

All the kids are home today-our power on our road went off yesterday at 1 pm and didnt come back on till abt 5am this morning-..sigh...the kids were all upstairs in Flamingo's bed as no one wanted to be all alone in the dark-so no one got much sleep last night-so they stayed home :)

It was kinda nice having no power-my mind started racing agn abt it-LOLOL;)thinking maybee...... then I realized I cant live without the dryer or washer very well can I? But it would be nice and it kinda was last night.

hmmm.......

Well I didnt really want to write abt everything thats been going on-so I just retyped a letter I just sent tonight to the school-LOLOL
Okay so Im lazy....I just get down when I think about things too much-so Ill update when I hear back from the school.....


Hi X-
Yikes! Stinger has done a complete turn around yesterday and today. I have NO idea what that is all about.......but it seams like he is reverting right back to where we started from :(

We have talked to him about the punching incident. That is not acceptable in our books. It seams that this X(I think that is her name)is someone that Stinger just recently had told me that he liked-she reminded him of a girl he knew at X school(X was her name) and he really had a crush on her. But as is usually the case-he has no idea how to be "friends" with someone whether he likes them or not. From what Stinger told me tonight she is teasing him now and he gets mad and does the first thing that pops into his head-punching....:(

When Stinger and I were talking tonight he mentioned something to me that was pretty upsetting. It had to do with the aides Mrs X(aide)???and X aide today. I guess they were "talking" or "fighting" according to Stinger while Stinger and the two of them were in your room.

Ill just write what Stinger told me:

Stinger-"why are you guys always fighting?"-directed at Mrs X and X.

Aides?X?- "If you don't want to hear us-just hurry up and write that letter so you can get your butt out of here"-directed towards Stinger

Aides-" I don't care if he writes that stupid letter."-directed to each other.

They went on to discuss a plan on how they can get new jobs, how they want new jobs, and how they have to work together to get new jobs. But that they have a plan.

All of this took place in front of Stinger. Which is very upsetting to us. Is this what normally goes on when you are gone???? Is this how they normally talk to Stinger??Stinger started to cry when he was talking about it. Saying that he does not like them and they talk mean to him. Saying he wants to go back to Mr X, and that he wants to go back to X school.

He has never talked like this before-feeling like he isn't wanted there and that his own teachers who are supposed to be helping him actually don't want to be there to help him. That they want another job and that they don't care. This is upsetting to think that he feels like this now, but even more upsetting to know that he has heard this come from these teachers whom we have trusted to teach him. Stinger thinks these feelings are because of him or what he has done.

Stinger is supposed to be learning how to control his anger, how to control his thoughts and feelings. When he messes up he has consequences-be it apology notes and timeouts etc. But how can he learn this when the aides freely discuss their opinions and feelings in front of the children they are supposed to be teaching this to?????Like they aren't even there??Like they dont matter??

I understand that Stinger can be a handful. I really understand this. I know it takes a lot of patience and understanding on the part of the staff at X school to calmly deal with issues that come up and I understand that there might be off days for a teacher too. But I was under the impression from you that your staff had been trained, that they wanted to be there. That you had put your confidence in them.That they could deal with these issues that come up from day to day. Now we are not sure they are, do , or even want to.

Stinger asked me if I was going to be at some meeting tomorrow-I guess the aides were talking about it again in front of Stinger. Again he is under the impression that it is about him. I assume it isn't as I wasn't informed about any meeting. I'm sure some choice words were said about the meeting which Stinger thinks is about him-as he is worried about it tonight.

Stinger is a child. A child trying to learn, trying to make good choices, trying to be understood. But he is also a child who can hear. He can hear what people say about him, he can hear when teachers or aides talk about him as if he wasn't there. He does have feelings and they are hurt.

As parents we are hurting for our child in knowing that this might be an everyday occurrence. We understand that you leave in the afternoon. I was not aware of this until recently. I am uncomfortable leaving Stinger in a situation where he is not wanted or cared about in such a way as he was spoken to and about today when you were gone. Maybe this is not the right place for Stinger. Maybe this is not the right field of work for the aides. Something.....All we know is that we do not want our child in a class where the aides who are left in charge don't want to be there, and they feel so strongly about it that they take it out on the child and say it in front of them. I can only imagine how hurt Stinger must have felt to hear these things.....from these aides....of all people......

Maybe you have no idea about all of this. Maybe they haven't said anything to you. Maybe you know nothing about their "plan"that Stinger overheard. But we feel very unsettled about the whole thing, and hope you do too. I know X, that you care about the children that are in your care. Stinger knows it-he likes you :) I just wanted you to be aware of what is going on-I know you would want to know if your staff was unhappy and were voicing it to the children in your class.

Maybe, hopefully, you can get to the bottom of this. I know I for one , am not too thrilled about sending my son back to a place where the staff doesn't want to be there, doesn't care enough about the children to watch what they say in front of them. We dont think it was professional, to hurt a childs feelings like that. It is cruel and Stinger shouldnt have to listen to it. No child should be made to feel at fault for a staffs feelings. Be it a certain child who is being difficult or a job that is not satisfying to him or her. These feelings should not be shared in front of the child in their care.

Stinger is trying-and has been doing really well. It takes everything hes got to hold it together for the day. I would think the aides would acknowlegde that and be a little bit more understanding. Its a HARD job-We KNOW this. But they are the ones who are supposed to be in control-they are not the CHILD with the dissability trying their hardest to make it through a day.

Stinger has a hard time with the kids at school. They tease him, they talk about him in front of him and behind his back. We all know this, we have all learned this. Not in a million years did we think to worry about the aides treating him in the same manner. We felt he was safe with you and your staff at X. We are not sure that is the case any longer.

He was on level 1 today. Which we were under the impression that he had supervised breaks and supervision at lunch on level 1.To prevent him getting out of control on level 1 he is to be supervised and watched-right, as he can not be trusted to act calmly or rationally? But he was allowed to escalate and got a punch in on a girl??How did this happen? I can only assume he wasn't being watched or the aides would have seen him getting agitated and removed him-right? Isn't that how it is supposed to work? But if the aides don't want to be there and they don't care I guess they wouldn't be watching anyway...so I guess it makes sense. ?????:( All I know is that a child cannot learn or be taught with this kind of attitude from staff. A child should not have to listen or hear these types of remarks from the ones who are supposed to be supporting him.

Can you talk to them and see what is going on?

Please give me a call tomorrow so we can talk more about all of this.

Signed X


So....what do you all think-I TRIED to be nice, but Im highly upset abt everything......everything...LOLOLOL

"Oh Me-Oh My"Its IEP season....:)

This was too funny-and it gave me a laugh this morning :) Enjoy :)


'Oh Me Oh My', It’s IEP Season by Lori Miller Fox


If life’s a journey, then the school years are the longest collection of toll roads. And as our day to ante up gets closer, I decided to take a calmer, gentler, more centered approach toward our child’s IEP and use meditation techniques and a zen state of mind to help get through it harmoniously. Here are just a few of my affirmations.

I will live in the moment, starting tomorrow.

I will do a better job of giving up my need for perfection.

I will look at my experiences with the school district as an opportunity for growth -- the kind of growth that needs to be removed.

I will no longer throw judgment at school people -- or raw eggs or rotten tomatoes, or large heavy objects.

I will give up my disagreements with the school to a higher power -- my special education attorney

I will not look to the school to heal my child, I will just look to them to stop harming him.

Every time I am angry with the school, I will breathe, and breathe, and keep breathing until I hyperventilate and pass out.

I will ask the Universe for guidance for my child, because heaven knows, the school guidance counselor has nothing to offer.

I will accept the things I can not change, and change the teachers I can.

When I become enraged, I will sit quietly and repeat my mantra “due process, due process, due process...”

I will accept my challenges in life as a gift from the Universe, that I would gladly regift to my child’s IEP team at Christmas.

I will graciously accept my child’s school district as karmic payback from something terrible I must have done in a past life.

I will look to Mother Nature for peace and understanding of the school district, although being a mother herself, she would probably side with me.

I will listen to the school’s position with love in my heart, grace in my soul, and a special education attorney at my side.

I will proudly acknowledge that my child is the real teacher in this world, and that the school staff who do not recognize this, are the failing students.

Posted by Charles Fox on March 02, 2007

Easter Fun :)

Well its a bit late-LOLOLOL, but thought Id update.

Sunday was alot of fun. The weather didnt quite cooperate with everything we had planned, but we still managed to have fun......

Kids woke up-EARLY-LOLOLOL, hunted for Easter eggs and baskets. Had cinnamon rolls and cantalope for breakfast-nummy-

Monkey boy had everything unwrapped in a matter of minutes, Stinger loved everything, but wasnt too interested in the candy-go figure, and Flamingo was just thrilled with everything and is still maticulously taking care of her candy and loving every bit of everything...LOLOLOL. She'll probably have some left at Christmas-LOLOLOL.

The kids all got cool kites(well I thought they were cool-until we got to the park)Stinger got a bumble bee, Flamingo got a pretty parrot, and Monkey boy got a dragonfly. We were all very anxious to go to the park so we started to get ready after the eating and looking of treats etc. But the weather was just not cooperating here:(

We decide to go anyway. So we loaded up our KFC, kites, balls and things to play etc and we are on our way. In the meantime clouds just keep rolling in and it starts to rain:(But we keep going....LOLOL.

We get to the park and it is FREEZING-LOLOL, but we unlaod all our goodies and we eat. It was soo nummy. While we were there there where 3 kids who kept coming ard. One girl-probably abt 10 or so was a very bossy little girl and kept shouting, and she just wouldnt leave us alone-LOLOL, the kids go and play and Flamingo comes back saying that the girl is being mean and abt starts to cry.

So we get out our balls and kites. This little girl takes the ball and runs away with it-Flamingo starts to cry. By now we are all just getting really frustrated and cold-even Stinger, who braves all eliments without a care was complaining about being cold. So we get out our eggs and it totally starts to pour rain.........and this girl and the other kids come up to us and ask to throw some eggs....sigh....they just would not leave.....LOLOLOLThey wanted to put together the kites and they wouldnt let our kids fly them...sheesh and the kites where really hard to put together too..it was a big headache.

So we decided to leave......so we get home and its really sunny outside,and what do ya know......ist not freezing...... so we put out the blanket and have the rest of our picnic and we roll eggs in our yard. We tried to hit the mailbox and get them over the ditch. We all had alot of fun......more fun than we had at the park. So it ended up not being so bad. We played ball and everyone had a great time eating my rice crispy treats too :)

Sheesh... though, what a memory-eh?Darn weather...... It was interesting to say the least, but we managed to pull it off somehow-LOLOLOLOL

We missed Nana and Papa this year, the kids thought they were going to be at the park and I kept having to tell them "No, not this year"They were missed, but Im not sure they would have missed this one...LOLOLOL;)

Hope everyone had a Happy Easter {{HUGS}}

April is Autism Awareness Month....

There are ALOT of Autism shows on this month-so keep your eyes peeled :)

Happy B-day STINGER :) :) :)

WEll................. I just realised that I havent updated on Stingers B-day celebration.....
It was wonderful!!!!A BIG success!!!!!A GREAT DAY!!!!WHOOT!!!!
Papa and Nana came down, watched the kids so dh and I could go out the night before(THANK YOU DAD AND MOM!!!! :))
We SOOOOOOO enjoyed having them here -weve been missing them sooo much!!!!
I decorated after everyone was in bed(I alwasy do this);)LOLOLOL and we woke up and sang to Stinger and then opend his presents.

Okay-dh says I got to much-but its sooo hard when I really dont know what things Stinger will play with and what he will toss aside. Ist a coin toss really-so I tend to error with caution and get more-LOLOLOL

His favorites are his magnetics(from Papa and Nana), his sunflower seeds-which he is savoring-LOLOL, and his school bus, his new Leap books, his K'nex, and hes enjoying rolling ard on his scate board-LOLOLOL. Tonight we put together some craft bees from Papa and Nana, and he has them flying down from his ceiling next to his bee posters-LOLOL-and he is just loving that!!!:) He's got everything lined up in his room and he goes through the line agn and agn with a BIG smile on his face :)

We then ordered pizza. Stinger got his own personal pan pizza-which he was very pleased abt. Then we all played with toys agn. Then we had cake and ice-cream.

Stinger went to his room ever so often to just be by himself-but he was out and about for the most part of the day. He had on a happy face all day and THAT was wonderful to see!!!!!

I cant believe my little guy is 8-sheesh....seams like just yesterday and I was crying as I first heard his heart beat at the Dr's office.....then the first sight of him in my arms-as our eyes met and I put my big clumsy finger into his tiny delicate clentched up fist. How can you have that much room in your heart for such love?????and it grows and grows....incredible! I remember thinking and worrying" Oh!!!! What do I do with a boy-I dont know how to play with a boy!! What do I do???" LOLOLOLOL But I had nothing to fear-silly Momma-LOLOLOL

Happy B-day Stinger! I love you soo much!!!!!

"Sometimes I feel I want to run away- I want to get away"....

NO............Im not running away...LOLOLOLOLOL
Gotcha lookin though-eh? :) its a song thats popping into my mind right now-LOLOLOL;)

Stinger has pulled this agn at his new social skills group last week-the running-doesnt want to go anymore, says he doesnt want friends, etc :( He doesnt want to join in the games now, is being defiant, wants to go in the other room and play by himself instead of with the other kids in the group.......He says the building smells funny, the classrooms smell funny, the tecahers and kids smell funny-hes NOT interested????
...sigh.....I just dont know abt this.......I coaxed him to go today with a trip to McD's if he tried hard and had fun?????

I go there to pick him up and it was just a very sad feeling that I got watching him. I guess it was kinda like what dh was saying when he went to school one day and watched Stinger playing at recess......saying that it just looked like he didnt belong-that he was the odd one out there. Thats what I felt as I was watching him.

They were cleaning up. They were all drawing chalk pictures then it was time to go and clean up. I was just standing there watching for abt 15 min and I dont think he said a word to anyone there-let alone another child. He had a VERY sullen look on his face as if no one was even there-going through the motions and cleaning up as he should, but no facial expressions when he was told what a good job he was doing, getting praised for a job well done, nothing-no glancing up, no smiling. No acknowledgement whatsoever. Its as if he had a bubble ard him and when ANYONE talked to him hed move away and would go way ard them to do what he had to do. Not looking at themor looking up.....Does that make any sense?

None of the other kids that I could tell where acting like this.....he just looked way out of place with them all. I dont know if he could even tell, but it breaks my heart to think he might-kwim?
I mean the teachers where engaging him, the kids came up to him and talked to him-nothing was given back to any of them from him....:(

I was pretty nervous when I walked in there as when I dropped him off today the head teacher told me she had called his therapist and was talking about restraining him if he ran or got upset agn like he did last week, but wasnt going to do it unless she had a chance to talk with me abt it. He actually made it outside last week-which scares me to death as its right in town by the busy main road. So I told her it was okay if he was getting out of control-but I did caution her that when hands are placed on him he gets worse and is VERY aggressive, breaks down and cries, then will settle down-just wanted her to know so she could weigh the pros and cons in doing anything like that.

So when I walked in to pick him up I was relieved to hear he had had a good time, chose not to be involved in the games, but didnt run. So I was very happy abt that and proud of him for controling that urge he has when he gets upset to run away.
But then I sat there and watched him, and it was a bit disheartning to see how he really does interact when he is forced to..... its as if he was just going through teh motions ashe knew what was expected of him...

I dont know-this is only his 3rd time....but Im wondering if Im trying to change something in him that just isnt going to ever be typical here....
He LIKES being alone...he likes to interact-but on his own terms and in his own way-if thats not possible he is fine by himself, and he is happiest that way....
Is this forced "play time" making him misereable???Is Isolation that bad???To what extent is it bad? Is it wrong for me as his mom to want him to have friends, when he doesnt really care abt making any?
IS it something that CAN be changed-do we want to change it? I mean who is to say what is right or wrong here-ME?????Im supposed to say-
1. you will have friends
2. you will be social
3. you will be involved
4. you will show feelings -even if they arent there
5. you will be typical-even if you cant and dont want to?
It just seams ......i dont know...wrong to me somewhat-kwim?

There are 2 kinds of parents out there: Those searching for a cure for their kids, and those fighting the cure. Its a big debate as one says the other would be like destroying the child with ASD-and they are fine how they are. As if to say if you took away the ASD you take away the child and who they are? Many grown adults hate the "Cure Autism" agendas out there-and say they are just fine-let them be. They say these social skills, same as the eye contact, can be mimicked if drilled long enough-but they are just that -mimicking-not actually able to teach themselves to feel or do it on their own.....is this what the goal is????To appear typical?

I guess Im just trying to figure out what side of the battle I am on here??????Am I not accepting who Stinger is? Am I helping him for him or me(does it make me feel better)...and sheesh I beat myself up abt this question above all others daily........
"one day at a time-one day at a time"

We ended up going to McD's-had a ball, stayed and ate and played for hours.....because of his great day he had.......why then do I not feel so great????I just wish I knew for sure if Im doing the right things here......

If Dr. Seuss had A Special Child

This was sooooo funny I thought-and oh so so so so true!!!!


by Mary Beth Northrup

Dear Mom-I-am, dear Mom-I-am, we have a problem, Mom-I-am.
Your son won't do what he must do.
He drives me crazy, yes it's true!
He will stall and squirm and hum, and leave all of his work undone.
He dreams and will not pay attention, have you considered medication?

With other kids he does not play, he is alone much of the day.
Something does not seem quite right, because I know he must be bright.
He seems to learn, despite the rest, but the work is not his best.
He is disruptive, yes it's true. He just won't do what he must do!

Yes, teacher, I can really see, how frustrating all this must be,
A child who does not meet the norm, a child whose mold won't fit the form.
I've had him tested on WISC-III, by your approved test agency.
He scores far higher than the mean, there's more to this that can be seen.
So help us, help us find the way, to teach this child best if we may.

He is not like the rest you see, he acts and thinks far differently.
We need another way to teach him, another way to finally reach him.
Not the normal thing you do, but something altogether new!

What! Something new - go bar the door!
We've not done it that way before!
If we do this thing for you, then all the rest will want it too!
Change our ways, that can't be done.
Same for all, not changed for some.
All children are gifted, yes it's true!
Just MAKE him do what he must do!

Please, please, teacher, hear me through.
The laws say you must help us, too.
His needs are different than the rest, we CAN help him to do his best.
We can make this easy too, it will not be more work for you.
This can work out, you will see.
Try it, try it, please, for me?

All right, all right, if I must.
I still maintain this is not just.
But first there is red tape you see, tests and checks and IEP.
And after weeks and months of proving, finally we can begin moving.
Then I'll try it and we'll see, if this method is the key.

Hey, I see something, yes I do!
We have found something he will do!
No more fiddle, squirm and hum, no more worksheets left undone.
He's zipping through, he's learning fast, he's doing his best work at last.
Why did I put up a fight?
I guess dear Mom, that you were right.

Joys of Spring.........

I finally started in on the garden out back today-yeah! LOLOLOLOL......Well I put in a row of peas, a row of lettuce, and another row of peas. I wasnt going to actually plant today-but I noticed I still had some seeds from last year-hopefully they didnt get wet or ruined between then and now-LOLOL. Man-that would royally stink if they dindt come up.

Windows down all day-its just been beautiful!!!!Im sooo glad the snow is gone and the cold too:) We live in such a wonderful place-I love it. Every year the birds all migrate right over our house. How lucky is that and what are the odds-eh? Lately the geese have been flying overhead-a sure sign that winter is finally over. I dont know if its that , but those geese just make the most beautiful sound-and I love watching them fly above me. The other day we saw a deer running right across the street and went down the field right next door. We all watched through the window and it was sooo neat!!!! The kids were so excited. I was worried-as it seamed to be lost and wasnt heading in the right direction-as the moutains are the other way.....but it sure was nice watching it run.

Where else could you witness such beautiful things than out in the country. Its where you can truly stop and marvel at all the Lords creations and just be in awe of all its splendor. Paradise-cant be much better Im thinkin-eh?

Stinger is frustrated as the bees havent really been buzzing ard yet-He seams to think they should be out already and I have to I keep telling him to just wait until the dandelieons start growing-then they'll come ard :) Flamingo is out protecting every living bug out there-even the spiders who manage to come in the house and gets extremelly upset with our squishing....."they are important too Mom" -LOLOLOLOLOL. Monkey boy is out trying to see and catch a glimpse of every tractor that comes by-its sooo funny-no matter what he is doing-he hears a tractor motor and away he goes-to the window-to the fence-LOLOLOL

Neighbors have been riding bikes, doing lawn work, working outside. Its as if everyone is finally awakening from some form of hibernation.

I love Spring and all it brings............just looooooove it!!!!!

The Woman In The Mirror-

WOW- I could sooo relate to much of this.....

The Woman in the Mirror......
By Cheryl VeenstraFebruary 2001

I saw an unfamiliar face in the mirror today. She caught my eye as I rushed to start the day. I hardly recognized this woman. What had changed in her eyes? She was no longer young, naive and viewing the world through rose-tinted glasses.
What had caused the worry lines and thoughtful brow? How could she look so fragile and weary, yet also determined and strong?

Around some corner on the road of life.......she had been shaken to the core of her very being.
There was a time when only tears and fears were reflected in those eyes. A doctor's unexpected words, the future suddenly uncertain......gray, shadowy images of the vague and scary concept of her child coming into the world as "different". An incredible journey began that caught her by surprise and would take her places she never thought she would go.

The journey had been long at times and she had shed tears of pain and tears of joy. She'd had hopes and dreams dashed in the blink of an eye. She'd asked the question WHY? She'd had friends fail her and not know what to say or how to help. She'd seen her child suffer. She'd cried silent tears into her pillow at night. Tears of exhaustion and fear. Tears of helplessness and longing. Tears of thankfulness and relief. Tears that are choked back during the day, but are unleashed like floodwaters in the safety of the night to wash away any walls being built up to protect her heart. Nights of worry blurring into days of endless responsibility. But then slowly, but surely, her broken heart begins to heal and mend.

The same pity she had once felt as she watched a mother hold her 'special child' close was now looking back at her in the eyes of strangers. But a smile tugs at her lips as she suddenly realizes that now she knew the secret! The hard-fought, carefully guarded secret that was slowly revealed in the depths of her heart.....but only after the tears and anguish of the first days and weeks of this new life. The illusive truth that mothers of special children discover as they take their first faltering steps down thisnew path........It was okay. She and her child could survive, even thrive! It was not as grueling and unforgiving a road as she had imagined. The fog, confusion, despair and fear were being slowly replaced by peace, acceptance, contentment, joy and gratitude.

A mother's unique, unconditional love changes the equation that may look hopeless and tough from those outside, looking in. She will fight for, live for and die for her child. These special children transform those around them into different people. Stronger people. Dare I say it......deeper people. Long gone are the days when all they had to worry about was where to vacation or what color mini-van to buy. They now struggle with life and death medical issues. They must answer their child's questions about life's unfairness and pain. What remaining strength and energy they have is spent trying to make their'family life' as normal and happy as possible.A twinkle returns to the eyes of the woman in the mirror as she takes a deep breath and remembers what she's been fighting for. How very worthwhile this journey has been! This child is an incredible gift and it is a privilege to be given the task of raising her. Her child is beautiful and perfect in her eyes. She longs for her child to be seen by the world through this filter of love, acceptance and potential. Could others take the time to see past this little girl's slower steps to see the life and love reflected in her eyes? Would her child be able to see herself through the filter of contentment that the woman has journeyed so long to discover?

Hope was rekindled as the woman's eyes grew brighter. The future remained uncertain, but the incredible, protective love she felt for her child threw a warm blanket over the cold, dark storm clouds that used to threaten her very soul. As she threw open the doors of her heart, she felt the warm sun on her face and she beheld a beautiful rainbow of intense beauty and unmistakable peace. Hope still comforts this woman who cries in the middle of the night. Love gets her through each day. Faith takes her hand and leads her around each corner and through each deep, dark valley. Peace soothes her heart as she relinquishes control of their destiny to One wiser and all knowing. Joy brings laughter and smiles to those tired eyes once again. Each day is recognized for the gift it is.

I gave that woman a smile as I left her at the mirror today. I'll see her again soon and I'm curious to see how she will continue to change and grow. She's not the same young, carefree woman she used to be, but that is okay. I like who she is becoming and I feel comfortable in her life. The sun is shining, the day is brand new, my child is humming and God is so good!

Round 2.......:)

Well Stinger amazed us all agn this week-absolutely wonderful marks from all.....WHOOT!!!!!
He had a little slip on Thursday when he went down to an 84% and had one timeout, but chose to take it quietly at his desk. BRAVO Stinger!!!! He was right back up to 100% today and even got another really nice note from the reg teacher-saying she loved having Stinger in her class.
They have been talking about plants and today they were pollinating with (play)bees! Can you imgine Stingers excitement today-I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall......LOLOLOLOL
He went to the store today too-got a little stuffed play cow, a transformer thing, and a ball that you pull and it vibrates :) So he had aVERY good Friday.
Flamingo dindt have such a great day-I guess a little boy somehow managed to kick her in the head and she came home with a welt by her eye:( How this happend and why I wasnt informed-agn-just torked me off. Anyway.......thats how it goes I have FINALLY realized.....
Flamingo was happy to report that this kid got a naughty note to give to his mother and had to sit at the naughty table today. Teacher says "that no one has ever gotten a bad note like that before" Flamingo got a hug from teacher and a hug from the little boy. Flamingo was fairly content with this-as I noticed her smiling.......she told me that this boy said he was going to get it when he got home and my was she pleased.
I was taken back by these comments as she has never gotten delight out of someone elses' grief before....but at any rate knowing he was punished made her feel better I guess.....She went to sleep tonight with a smile thinking everything was right with the world agn. Hmmmm..........LOLOLOLOLOL. through a childs eyes....LOLOLOLOLOLOL-and as it should be.
We have just been soooooo enjoying the warmth lately-not cooped up inside and going out every chance we can get-the kids are having a ball and so am I. I cleaned out my flower garden out front-they look sooooo much better-may daffodils are abt to open-I LOVE it!!!......Im slowly procrastinating that veg garden out back.....ugh.. I left it a mess last winter, and its going to be a chore getting it right agn.....but I LOVE working in it-so Ill prob start this weekend and put in some peas for the kids. YEAH.......
The van is a go!!!!!!So we will be trying it out this weekend-I can hardly wait-not having the kids cooped up together is going to be heaven for them(and me;) )

"The Misunderstood Child"

Okay-get out the tissues here guys......
I bet this runs through Stingers head at least once every day :( And Im sure he feels this way dispite the smiles he so freely shines our way........It hurts to read things like this,but I think its good to ALWAYS rememer even when things look so good and things look so easy...that I remember how hard it really is and how hard Stinger is trying each and every day to succeed-kwim? And for me to remember to not take each and every one of his accomplishments for granted.

THE MISUNDERSTOOD CHILD

I am the child that looks healthy and fine.
I was born with ten fingers and toes.
But something is different, somewhere in my mind.
And what it is , nobody knows.

I am the child that struggles in school,
Though they say that I am perfectly smart.
They tell me I'm lazy - can learn if I try.
But I don't seem to know where to start.

I am the child that won't wear the clothes
Which hurt or bother my feet.
I dread sudden noises , cant handle most smells,
And tastes -there are few foods I'll eat.

I am the child that cant catch the ball
And runs with an awkward gait.
I am the one chosen last on the team
And I cringe as I stand there and wait.

I am the child with whom no one will play
The one that gets bullies and teased.
I try to fit in and I want to be liked,
But nothing I do seems to please.

I am the child that tantrums and freaks
Over things that seem petty and trite.
You'll never know how I panic inside
When I'm lost in my anger and fright.

I am the child that fidgets and squirms
Though I'm told to sit still and be good.
Do you think that I choose to be out of control?
Dont you know that I would if I could?

I am the child with the broken heart
Though I act like I dont really care.
Perhaps there's a reason God made me this way-
Some message he sent me to share.

For I am the child that needs to be loved
And accepted and valued too.
I am the child that is misunderstood,
I am diffeerent - but look just like you.


> > > Sharron Fowler> >

A Mothers Love

A Mother's love (adapted from 1 Corinthians 13)


If I speak truths from God's Word and train my children in theLord, but have not God's love flowing from me to them, the words Iteach are as noisy as a barking dog, a broken muffler, or a colickybaby at 2:00 a.m.

And if I have all manner of wisdom and knowledge in the latestchild-rearing techniques, if I have an understanding of childpsychology, and if I have subscriptions to every parenting magazineon the market but don't have God's love flowing from me, I amnothing.

If I have all the faith I could ever need, so that I couldmove mountains, keep the house clean, or potty-train a two-year old,but do not do it in love, I am nothing.

Even if I leave behind my own dreams and ambitions to raise mychildren, and even if I stay up for nights on end with sick chicken,sleepless babies, and mountains of laundry, but I complain and murmurabout lack of sleep, God's love is not in me and I am accomplishingnothing.

A loving mother is patient enough to wait for a child whoinsists on tying her own coat.

A loving mother is kind to herchildren even on three hour's of sleep and is never rude to them.

Aloving mother is not jealous or envious of everyone else's childrennor will she boastfully exalt her own children above others.

A loving mother models true Christian behavior even when no otheradults are watching.

A mother full of God's love doesn't seek herown rights, but demonstrates the servanthood of Christ as she servesher family.

Such a mother doesn't resent cutting corners to live onone income, but is grateful to raise her own children.

A loving mother forgets her children's sins as soon as thediscipline is over, and never reminds them of their imperfections,but encourages her children in good works.

A loving mother doesn'tlook at her children's rebelliousness as a cute phase, but rejoicesin seeing her offspring grow in godliness.

Only a mother with God's love can bear the day to day tasks ofmanaging a family with zest and joy.

She is able to see the potentialhidden deep within each of her children and prays that God will shinethrough them into a dark work.

With such a vision clear in her mind,a mother can endure anything.

A loving mother's influence will never fade away.

Oh, thechildren may forget a spotlessly clean house, or perfectly pressedclothes, or even freshly baked cookies, but her children will alwayscarry with them the legacy of God's perfect love.

Though all you may see now are stacks of dirty dishes, diapers tochange, noses to wipe and wild toddlers to tame, the spirit in whichyou tackle these tasks is laying the foundation for your childrenthat has eternal consequences.

There are three things you children will always remember aboutyou:
Your faith and zeal how you serve the Lord,
Your hope in thepromises of God's Word and how you waited and watched for Hisreturn.
And the love of God that flowed through you to others.
Itis these three that will remain in their minds forever and thegreatest of these is their mother's love.

Kimberly Eddy, (Article published in Above Rubies)


I hope and pray each day that the love I have is heard and felt in each of my precious angels hearts......My mother-one of the greatest examples of this love-as I always new I was loved by her-no matter what I did, no matter what choices-good or bad-no matter what path I chose to take I KNEW I was loved.....

A quick recap.........:)

Just a quick recap------------>
Stinger made it all week-level 4-alllllllllll week!!!!! WHOOT!! WHOOT!!!! and then they forget to go to the store today:( Made me soooooo mad when I found out abt it when he came home. :( !!!!! MAN!!!!! He SOOOO deserved this today...sigh......he said two boys got prizes today too, but not him. And he didnt understand why???? Heck I dont either:( And he didnt even realize today was Friday-so he didnt say anything :( Stupid people! I dont think they understand how something so little is somthing so major for him could mess this whole thing up when its not consistant like this...sigh.....
We'll be def getting him something at Wally World this weekend for all his hard work this week.......at least SOMONE here can be consistant.........sigh.......

"You Inspire Me"--------->Sky

Do you ever stop and think abt your life?
and what it all means?
Our lives are so full of miracles
I hope every person sees.

You have something inside that brings joy to your soul
and makes your heart sing.
We all share the same big blue sky
and the power to do anything.

You inspire me
to be everything that I desire,
and everything I do is to be in touch with you.
In every day of my life
I dream a little higher
And it all comes back to you
in how you make me so inspired.

We all have a choice
to feel a love deep within our hearts.
The freedom to hear our own voice
And the chance to make our path in life a little clearer.

You inspire me
to be everything that I desire.
and everything I do is to be in touch with you.
In every day of my life
I dream a little higher
and it all comes back to you
and how you make me so inspired.

Do you ever stop to think about your life?

---------->Sky


I just think this song is beautiful. Ive been watching Dr Wayne Dyer tonight on PBS and he shares such a beautiful message. Through every pain there IS a great purpose. A lady from Rawanda during the genocide was on the program as well. Horrible things happend and she has grown closer to God through it all and has learned to have faith in mankind. She is a survivor!!!!! She is a true hero. To have forgiveness and hope through all of the atrocities that she witnessed and went through herself. She is the perfect picture of Faith. Her story lifts and inspires me. Anyway, the show made me feel really good tonight. Warm fuzzies ;)It gave me a lift of hope as well-we all need those right? ;)

Stinger is on a role still. WHOOT!!!!! WHOOT!!!!!!LEVEL 4 still!!!!!!!!WHOOT!!!!!
Yes, Im in my happy place-can you tell???? LOLOLOLOL :) :) :) :) :)